Am I excited? I am more nervous than anything... I don't think I will be excited until we reach London.
My sweet friend just let me borrow another one of Francine Rivers book called Redeeming Love that I wanted to read on the plane to keep my mind occupied, well I started last night and just couldn't put it down! All Francine Rivers book are so wonderful... if you have not already had the chance to read her series Mark of the Lion, oh man... your in for a treat and I HIGHLY recommend them, you wanna get lost, be challenged, whew go for it!
Today, I will do a little wash, get my nails done and walk around not knowing what to do. Vacation it's here now tonight...we have not had a vacation since Jacob was 3 and Joey was 1. Tomorrow Jacob turns 9 and on the 17th Joey turns 7! I hope relaxing is like riding a bike and that once I am there I will just remember how to do it and melt into it. The boys are excited to celebrate these blessed events in Rome! Besides the Italians, what little boys can say they went to Rome for their Birthdays!
Here is the last photos I will post of Abby, until we get back. She loves her walker and will now "kinda" try and drag her legs to the front when you say, "step!" She is getting so big! On a side note, her seizures have increased! Not sure if I mentioned this in an earlier post, yesterday the doctor increased the Sabril dose this time and of course this all has to take place right before we go!
The other night I heard her fidgeting so I went to see what was going on and I saw her seize. I sat down with her and held her.... she seized 8 times in a row with about 4-6 seconds in between each one. Her eyes were glossy and looking all over the place. She was not in any pain... I would talk to her and she would respond with a smile, then she squirmed and wanted to lay down so I covered her up, she began to suck her thumb and fell asleep. I of course was the vigilant momma just staring and brushing her sweet cheeks, looking at her fingers and watching her sleeping peacfully.
Oh Lord why do you allow things to happen before I'm ganna leave my baby? Is it so I continue to come to your feet in prayer? I will regardless, but now with her seizures rising I am really going to have to trust You and not just with my words, but with my heart and soul. Why did You make the heart hurt so for a momma that is going to say, "good by". Only You know whether I will return or not, only You know whether this kiss and hug will be the last or just one more that will be added to the million more that will come. Only You know if she will hear my voice again on earth or heaven.... Oh why is it that our thoughts are so focused with our own mortality as we prepare to depart from these little blessings You've given us!
This should be a time of excitment for me... I have always longed to go to Rome, You have prepared the way and my heart is broken, I would love to hear Your voice and have you touch my heart & clam the waves that pound within. It's not that I do not trust that You are in control, that You will love Abby through all these wonderful people that You provided to care for her... it's the what if's and now that I think of them, maybe they are road blocks I am putting up to try and somehow control the uncontrollable and in the same token they are preventing my heart from complete trust in You. I just need to give them up completely, knock them over... help me to do this, help me to let go and find joy in fully trusting in You, forgive me for my wavering heart Lord. thank you for all my sweet friends out there in the blogging world that are dedicated in praying for my little angel!
