July 8, 2009

Frustration & A Break Down

Yesterday was a good day. We had Abigail's training, with all the wonderful people that volunteered to watch her while we are away. The group broke up into 3 groups and they rotated from one station to the next absorbing all the "How To's" on Abby's. We had a beautiful lunch together prepared by two very sweet friends, the fellowship was great and then after everyone left....

I realized that I had left out some critical information about Abby's seizures, like what they look like, how often she has em and what to do and if she has them longer than 5 min. Diastat needs to be administered and how this is done and when to call the doctor and when to call the paramedics and what hospital to go to and where it is and don't forget the diaper bag with her seizure meds, food, bags and pump and insurance cards located here, bla, bla, bla!!!!!


Oh I think I am loosing it with all that has to be done to prepare for this. I was up until midnight trying to fix my massive error type up a new sheet and get it pasted all over the house as an F.Y.I. and thinking and re-thinking of what else I've forgotten!

My nurse yesterday said, "Ya know Tamara... I think God is going to use all this preparing and organization in your life one day." What, no, no I said, "I have been preparing and organizing all my life for this very moment!" Don't get me wrong I love to plan and organize and be organized, but this tops it all!

I finally broke down last night, for the 1st time I ALLOWED myself to let it all out and FEEL the reality that I am leaving my baby girl behind. I know its good, and will be o.k., but as a momma of a disabled child there is a deeper depth that gets ripped to the core! I am so thankful that our good friends will be here to send us off and be with Abbs that first night. I am going to be an absolute mess and I will be o.k. crying with them near.

So look... I can't even talk about it without these blasted tears errupting!!!!


  1. First, I just have to say that I love that picture! Is that one that you took? Too precious!

    I am sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. I don't know anyone who wouldn't be. There is a lot to cover (that's an understatement, huh?) But you are a great momma and you will make sure everything is taken care of. I know you already know this, but leave in God's Hands and everything will be fine. Sounds like you have a great team set up.

    I am excited for you and your trip! I am praying for you!

  2. I really feel for you! I can totally sense the feelings that you are having and I totally get the feelings you have when you have a child with special needs! You feel like you are the ONLY one who understands them and that can take care of them good enough. I understand!

    But, you have planned SO WELL for this and I KNOW that she will be fine! God will take care of you and your sweet girl! Take a deep breath and say a prayer and know that you will all get through this by the grace of God!

    I really think that preparing for this trip and actually leaving her will be the hardest part! Once you get there and once you are gone for a day or so, you will be able to breathe deeper and enjoy yourself! I'll be praying!!! HUGS!

  3. You have planned and planned and planned! I truly believe Miss thang and her troops around her will do just fine! I am extremely excited for you to take this trip too!
    Good luck and prayers are coming in all directions!

  4. Its a LOT, and its SCARY! Im so sorry. You will have a great time, even between all the phone calls you make to check on your girl.
    Im so sorry I missed you Tamara, it was all I could do to be there.

  5. Oh, Sweetie...I can not imagine the overwhelming feelings you are having and I am sure guilt also...Be brave and strong and know that we are ALL praying for you! Rest in HIS Grace and Peace...oxoxo Shi~

  6. Tamara, i am so sorry that this is happening. You are just so exhausted and sad to be leaving her. You need time away and I am trying to follow in your footstep and plan more time away from Annabel. Praying and showering your baby with prayers. Be safe and know that you have done all you can to take care of her while you are away. You are an incredible mommy to Abby and you need this time away with your family. Love you dear friend.


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