I realized that I had left out some critical information about Abby's seizures, like what they look like, how often she has em and what to do and if she has them longer than 5 min. Diastat needs to be administered and how this is done and when to call the doctor and when to call the paramedics and what hospital to go to and where it is and don't forget the diaper bag with her seizure meds, food, bags and pump and insurance cards located here, bla, bla, bla!!!!!
Oh I think I am loosing it with all that has to be done to prepare for this. I was up until midnight trying to fix my massive error type up a new sheet and get it pasted all over the house as an F.Y.I. and thinking and re-thinking of what else I've forgotten!
My nurse yesterday said, "Ya know Tamara... I think God is going to use all this preparing and organization in your life one day." What, no, no I said, "I have been preparing and organizing all my life for this very moment!" Don't get me wrong I love to plan and organize and be organized, but this tops it all!
I finally broke down last night, for the 1st time I ALLOWED myself to let it all out and FEEL the reality that I am leaving my baby girl behind. I know its good, and will be o.k., but as a momma of a disabled child there is a deeper depth that gets ripped to the core! I am so thankful that our good friends will be here to send us off and be with Abbs that first night. I am going to be an absolute mess and I will be o.k. crying with them near.
So look... I can't even talk about it without these blasted tears errupting!!!!