Gripping His Mercy And Grace

My Boyz..

2011-02-01T10:24:00.000-08:00

Battling the Unbelief of Despondency

2011-01-05T06:40:00.000-08:00

Took some time this morning to listen to this short message by John Piper about battling despondency. It was so good, one of my favorites... we all encounter despondency more often than not, its real and most of us cave and ignore and the heaviness of it haunts us. I want to encourage you, take a few minutes of your time to listen to this, water your soul, it is so encouraging.

Tam
Battling the Unbelief of Despondency: "Battling the Unbelief of Despondency on DesiringGod.org"

21 House Rules

2010-12-02T07:26:00.000-08:00

I just put this is up on our fridge, and I thought I would share with everyone. Rules are good! They create structure and safety within the home and these have been a blessing to us this past week!

1 We obey God.
2 We love, honor and pray for one another.
3 We tell the truth.
4 We consider one another's interests ahead of our own.
5 We speak quietly and respectfully with one another.
6 We do not hurt one another with unkind words or deeds.
7 When someone needs correction, we correct him in love.
8 When someone is sorry, we forgive him.
9 When someone is sad, we comfort him.
10 When someone is happy, we rejoice with him.
11 When we have something nice to share, we share it.
12 When we have work to do, we do it without complaining.
13 We take good care of everything that God has given us.
14 We do not create unnecessary work for others.
15 When we open something, we close it.
16 When we take something out, we put it away.
17 When we turn something on, we turn it off.
18 When we make a mess, we clean it up.
19 When we do not know what to do, we ask.
20 When we go out, we act just as if we were in this house.
21 When we disobey or forget any of the 21 Rules of This House, we accept the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Gimminie-Christmas-Already!

2010-11-22T22:51:00.001-08:00

Anyone ever need help with a good ol' fashioned fight with Medicaid? Well, I now have the experience! I have been fighting since June 1st of 2010, and I just received our final ruling and Abby has WON...
We get private duty nursing back! YEEHAWWW

Shame on Pamela Guess with the URC (snaggle-tooth badger!) who wrongly took Abbs PDN away because she failed to follow the State Departments rules, her own guidelines!!! Absolutely ridiculous!!! Hey DON'T give in! If you have to go to court and FIGHT, then you do it! Bite big and don't let go! That's exactly what they are hoping you won't do! They want you to give in, cower away and fear them! Don't, I am finding that 90% of the time WE are in the right and they just don't wanna PAY so they threaten with their empty threats! Well they didn't count on ME baby! I am Abigail's VOICE and Boy oh Boy did they hear me ROAR!

Whoo-hoo does it ever feel good to fight a good fight and win! Thank You Lord!

I am also on another bit of a high because I finally got wheels! It has been since the 1st week of September that I have been without and let me tell you.. I never really knew how much I depended on that van. Having to adapt from two cars to one is a huge adjustment. I have learned a lot and had become somewhat content without them. We have all had to adjust... Abby has missed school and hippotherapy ever since the accident and I can really tell as she is more apathetic. With my back and neck injuries its just about all I can do to provide her with the missing therapies, but that too will now change and things are looking up. The boys have started wrestling and I have missed out on their matches. They are both doing so well and have both won medals and it's so early in the season! Now I can go and be a part of their adventure, yeah and thank you Lord!

Well lets see, yes there is a Christmas in my title! Yup you guessed it, my house is all decorated and I love it! I have been listing to Christmas music for over a month now and even though we have not had a good snow here in CO it still smells of Christmas and I am LOVING IT! Does anyone else share in my love for Christmas? Does anyone else have their decor up yet?
Here are a few photos taken with my phone, not the best of quality but who cares aren't they wonderful!

Well I guess I had better get to bed! Merry Christmas!!!!

Not Always Being Right, Learning To Forgive...

2010-10-20T06:02:00.000-07:00

These words I believe are 3 of the hardest word to say, "I forgive you". This is one tough issue to learn! We think in big issues when we think of forgiveness not the petty little issues. The petty ones set root and continue to grow deep they fester and fester and then we explode in one way or another.

I am in a bible study now that touched on this topic and was hit with a revelation that when my husband and I argue and I think I am in the right and he is in the wrong that God is not rooting for me. He looks upon both my husband and I with equal grace! What??? You mean when I "feel" or "know" I am in the right, Gods not my cheerleader on my sideline, saying, "Yeah You Go Girl!" I know that's a childish plait, but whoa what a sucker punch to the heart!

My God, His God, Our Father looks at us with equal grace. I am learning that I need not even let my heart bend towards being justified. Why is this desire for us all so strong, "I must be justified!" Sin! That's why! There is a pound of flesh in everything we do!

I may be saved by grace and I know I am a child of God but I am not 100% sanctified... I am being sanctified and this process is not easy to endure or act out with grace! Doesn't it all boil down to pride, taming the lion inside and not being so quick to release it when were wronged?

Charles Spurgeon one said...

"He who grows in grace remembers that he is but dust, and he therefore does not expect his fellow Christian to be anything more. He overlooks ten thousand of their faults because he knows his God overlooks twenty thousand in his own case. He does not expect perfection in the creature and therefore he is not disappointed when he does not fine it."

I end with 1 Peter 2:23-24
"He who committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth. When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.

More Than Enough

2010-10-06T14:52:00.000-07:00

Car accident, emergency room, a totaled van, no transportation for over a month, lawyers, doctors, pain, exhaustion, insurance battles, court dates, waiting, pain medications, a lost job, Children's Hospital emergency room, new found extra information on the 13 chromosone, split head, seizure... breathe...

This has been my life this past few months and believe it or not it has been good even in the midst of it all. I am thankful that I am alive, my boys head is healed and Abby is doing better, insurance claims are starting to come through, soon I hope to have wheels to take me away from this place that has been my hobbit hole for too long, sooner than later I should hear if the court has granted us PDN or has overturned it and the list goes on with all the good that has begun to trickle in.

Just to note, this is a conglomerate of trials, I was the only one in the van at the time I was hit, nope not my fault a "work-horse" truck like the FED EX trucks that we all see hit me... The driver was not paying attention and made a left turn right into me.

God is good, I have learned that we pray for stones and God blesses us with bread. Even when that bread does not taste good at the time, I am thankful because as the waters begin to rise He is right there with me, riding the storm.

To Pinata or Not!

2010-06-29T20:55:00.000-07:00

The boys want pinata's for their birthdays this year so we ventured out to Wally world to see what they had, NOTHING but one funky star shape that cost a whopping $26.00! I figured why pay that much when its just going to take one to two swats and its gone, right?

So I had the brilliant idea, "Hey we can make them ourselves, have fun together and save some money and not only that... it would give them the opportunity to learn to appreciate what goes into making these things."

When we got home (after spending $50.00 on the supplies), things went great... they were all into it, and boy what a gluey mess it was! By the time the their whole balloon was covered and set out to dry, I found myself alone doing the glue and paste stage of round two, three and four thinking to myself, did I honestly think they would have lasted this long, who's idea was it to MAKE these things and not only that.... 2!!! Why 2 why couldn't we just have made 1? We began this project at 3:30 in the afternoon and it is now 10:15 p.m. and we just completed them!

They loved decorating them and I think they turned out really well, but I tell you this... I will NEVER make another pinata again! No wonder the one at Wally world cost what it did!!!! I am the one that appreciates what goes into them and now it is all me that gets to clean up after a 5.5 hour adventure!

Here is the fruit of our labor!

"Risko" Created By Joey

"Bobby" By: Jacob

Pretty Incredible!

2010-06-29T05:34:00.000-07:00

MONSTER TRUCK BUILD!

2010-06-26T13:24:00.001-07:00

Spent this morning at Lowe's building Monster Trucks! The boys had a great time, now its off to the pool, back for some video games and a BBQ with movie and killer hot fudge sundays and the ultimate sleep over! I'm glad its all them, cauz I am pooped just rotating them from one event to the next! I just hope I will be able to get to sleep at somewhat of a normal time!

THIS IS BOY FUN AND WE ARE FULL SPEED AHEAD!!!!

1st Time At Pool For Abby!

2010-06-26T05:16:00.000-07:00

Well, even though we didn't get her "into" the water Abby still love her pool time! She has been pretty cranky lately with her loose teeth and just wanting to be held, but yesterday she just was content as ever just laying in the shade on her towel sucking on her finger and playing with her toys! I think she loved to hear the children playing in the water and the occasional, "CANON BALL" splash! She would giggle at the whistles being blown... funny what tickles her! Towards the end we put her on a lawn chair, and get this... after about 4 min. she fell asleep! She loved the warm sun on her widdo body and toseyI It was a great day! Happy Summer'n!

Happy Summer Everyone!

2010-06-25T06:21:00.001-07:00

Wow where has the time gone? I can't believe it is almost July!!! We have been busy with swimming, mountain trips, movies and have much family time here at the house! I love having the boys home with me and watching them grow and explore and enjoy before my eyes! We are headed out for Durango soon for the 4th as a family for vacation and we are all so excited!

Here is an update on us...

ABBY turned 5 in May! I can't believe she is getting so big! She weighs 35.7lbs which is not making it easy to carry here nor is her 4' in length either. She is getting really good at sitting and I believe she is up to about 15 to 20 sec. before she falls to the floor and giggles. She has lost 2 teeth, one top and one bottom and has 2 more loose ones on her bottom row. I call her my little piranha mouth, too funny! I am letting her hair grow out long so we can put it all into piggy tails and one pony and we are almost there finally! She has become very giggly in the last months, loves to swing, loves to ride horses, loves to bounce and dance in mommas arm to swing music! We still have no words from her, she is getting good at hitting that big red button that says a command like; "more please" (I would love to believe, but am more a skeptic). Her teachers at school really think she is hitting it with intent... I am hoping so! She is still seizure free, thank God and has been in good health. We are taking her swimming today for the 1st time so this will be fun! I will shoot photos and get them up for you to see. She still is basically a full assist, once she reaches 40lbs our nurses can not lift her and we have to get a Hoyer lift... Ugh! Although I am not too sure how that is going to work being that she is being moved all over the place all the time. When I was doing my clinical's we used this lift to get people out of bed to their wheelchair and they stayed there all day... I can't imagine using this as she is lifted in and out of so many things all day long! Oye! In August she will be going to KINDERGARTEN!!! I can not believe this and am so happy for my little angel! She will be going ALL day which is new for us and her. I am not sure how she will handle it, but we shall see. All in all she is wonderful! We are blessed!!!
Abbs with her cousins in Durango!

THE BOYS are going to be turning 10 and 8 in July and are doing so well! We are on a break from sports right now and I am loving that! No running here and there all the time! Joey has been having growth pains like crazy and he is just 1/2" shy of catching his brother in height! He came back from the Science museum and had a bunch of fun tests done, one was a growth one and his height was estimated at 6'2"! So far I am thinking he might just be on that track! His poppa, accidently knocked his tooth out at a game playing catch! Thank goodness it was a baby tooth! Jacob is loving summer, and is turning into a little man. I love talking with him and hearing all his ideas! He has become so like me! He is scary good at baseball, I know all parents dote on their kids, but this one... has got an increadible arm and throws no hitters games!! We are so proud of him!!! He placed 2nd in the Rocky Mountain Nations for wrestling! This boy is ganna be something special! He loves creating with Legos and both are looking forward to taking guitar lessons soon!

ME, I have been keeping myself busy with planting flowers, re-landscaping my backyard and tending my baby pumpkin patch! This year I am determined to grow pumpkins as last year fired me on for a new challenge this year and so far they look perfect! I have re-decorated my living and dinning room, re-upholstered chairs added new curtains and a fresh new Spring look with cream, soft greens and yellows and brown. I know, I know those of you who know me and my absolute love for red can close your mouths now... I am branching out now and getting my feet wet to new fresh things... still has that Pottery Barn feel, just not in reds. My photography business is going well, I have a new website for TCPHOTOJOURNALISM feel free to check it out! Hey, if your in my area and need photo's check my schedule on the site and let me know your interested in getting some pix's done of you and your fam or your special little one, I will give you a 40% discount!!! Let's see what else... oh I have had many attempts at failed diets, and have just excepted it. I'd rather roll into heaven have been chubby and have lived full and happy life rather than have lived skinny and always depriving myself of the blessing of enjoying the finer things of life! We are attending a new church that we LOVE and I am soon going to be involved in a special class for the disabled! There are other families their that have special needs kids which is exciting to me as far as having someone that can identify with me. This special class will allow for parents to sit together in church while their kids are cared for and stimulated with playtime, song or whatever they need! I am really busting at the seems for this! FINALLY!!!! Its been 5 years that Matt and I have been able to sit together in church together!!!! I am involved in a bibles study that just finished a book called: Respectable Sins... Oye' vey! You wanna be challenged? Read this book! I also just finished another book by Francine Rivers, one of my all time favorite authors called; Her Mothers Hope Oh, so good and boy what a page turner! Can wait for the second one to come this fall!

Well I think that's all I will bore ya with! I know it has been in forever since I have been here and I am most likely writing to "cyber-space air", but I am going to try an post here more often now and get back into the grove! If you are flesh and blood and not air, thanks for visiting and reading! Leave me a comment and let me know you stopped by! Have a continued blessed Summer!!!! Tam

Too Much Going On

2010-04-28T16:01:00.001-07:00

Sorry to all that are faithful to stop by to see how we are. I have not been faithful to you in updating what has been going on in our lives because I just have too many balls up in the air to stop and be consistent with certain things that I used to be with.

We are all doing well, Abby is still seizure free, we found a wonderful nurse to replace the wonderful one that we lost, the boys are busy, busy being boys, school and sports... Abby has started hippotherapy again and loves it. Life is just full right now, we are happy and all healthy and I could not ask for anything more.

Thanks for those of you who still stop by! Again sorry for not being consistent...

My Hero!

2010-03-18T15:00:00.000-07:00

Be patient while it loads, too cute!

Happy Birthday Abby!!!

2010-03-08T09:49:00.000-08:00

Big girl turned 5 today! We celebrated with friends this past weekend and had a great time! We are so thankful to have had these past 5 years with our girl! What a blessing you continue to be and what a beautiful girl you are becoming my sweet little one! Momma loves you so!

FUN DAY!

2010-02-23T14:26:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago we were interviewed and filmed for The Exceptional Family Site. It was so fun watching Abby and Zach together! Here are some precious photo of a snippet of their time in the big comfy chair!

SHES, WITH ME

2010-02-08T12:34:00.000-08:00

Whoa This Is A Good One For All Of Us!

Lyrics.... Make Sure To Pause The Music On My Blog...

She's with me
I proudly tell the maitre de as we arrive
He seems surprised
In a clumsy moment as he looks for room, for her blessed chair
A table stares, and their eyes show only pity
As they try to sympathize
Oh, how difficult that must be, look away
Day after day, they'll never see, the joy you bring
Only happy at the times I know that she's with me

I wear it like a badge of honor at the mall
I hear her call, the only way that she is able with a cry
Time to go bye bye, she can't say why
Maybe tired, maybe hurting, god I wish that I could tell
Do I ever make her happy for awhile
To see her smile, makes my week,
Though she can't speak,
[ Collin Raye Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
She let's me know she feels my love when she's with me

I know just what heaven looks like when I see that perfect face
For no other mortal heart could be so fair
I myself so weak and weary, so imperfect as a man
How could I be the one you chose to care for our girl
Never done a single deed to earn the right to share her light
Though it's such a painful road we walk each day
Lord you have your ways, this I pray
On the day I stand before you, she'll stand right by my side
When you look upon me, head hung down in shame
I'll feel the blame, she'll look at me,
And then she'll speak, in that precious voice
Don't worry ‘bout him my lord, cuz you see,
He's with me

Sick Little Momma

2010-02-05T09:51:00.000-08:00

While away in Durango, Joey got sick and it transferred to Abby. She is just taking a long time to get over this bug, it is not the flu or a virus as she was check for that and her WBC was check too. She now takes 2 naps during the day and goes to bed at 4! She is just so sleepy poor little thing. Only issue with that is that she wakes up at 4'ish in the AM and guess who gets to wake up with her... so I have been a little tired lately. We have also added benefiber to her diet because the doc has increased her feeds and she has had a few bouts of bad constipation. This just last night erupted and all over me 3 times! Oh yeah last night I can literally said I was covered in poop! So NO MORE FIBER!

We are still seizure free, thank you Lord. I have an appointment on the 16th this month to go over the findings of her PET Scan with the neurologists and I am excited to see what is going on up there.

That is all for now... if you all have not had the chance to check out the Exceptional Family website, please do so! It is incredible!!!! Here is the link... THE EXCEPTIONAL FAMILY TV

Take Care!

Little Emma

2010-01-22T07:25:00.001-08:00

From Emma's Daddy...

Hey folks, Kelvin here...

Emma is so thin it hurts to look at her. We are wrapping cloth diapers around her to give the points of her pelvis and hips some protection. She is gravely thin. She is now under 18 pounds, although eating steady. I recently had the realization that her physical whithering and ability is probably a mirror of her mental state.

It seems as if it may be a mirror of our mental state as well...

Prayers accepted!

Over the past 2 years I have walked through the deepest of life's dark and jagged valleys. Even then, the lowest areas of my journey could be used as a perch to view down into the places where Christy does battle. As a mother holding a dying child, I concede her mental, physical and emotional journey to be beyond my understanding.

Christy, you are my hero.

Please visit her blog HERE for up-to-date information on Emma

Another Birthday...

2010-01-20T13:26:00.000-08:00

My day is creeping around the corner at warp speed and I think to myself, "I don't feel like a 41 year old!" Way back when... 25 was OLD and 30? Well... that was just plain ancient!

Life does go by so quickly... like a vapor Gods word says... and it is so true! I am pretty much at the 1/2 way mark of my life in the worlds eyes and reflecting back on my 41 years I think, "What are the highlighted words on the pages of my life?"

* January 25th, 1969 I was blessed with life

* From January 26th, 1969 to September 4th, 1999 ~ 30 years God was preparing me for my life now

* September 4th, 1999 I married a wonderful man who loves me & we are 10 years strong and moving right along

* July 11th, 2000 I was blessed with Jacob (a little version of me)

* July 17th, 2002 I was blessed with Joseph (the laughter of my heart)

* March 8th, 2005 I was blessed with Abigail (the sweetest version of a loving trial God could have ever given to me)

* I know through many a trial God has given me the assurance of my salvation

* My desire has grown stronger with each year to passionatly share with my kids my joy and longing for to be with my Savior.

* I have learned what it is to trust God with my whole heart

* I am being challenged daily to keep Christ as my treasure... for where my heart is, there my treasure is also

All the other things, material and whatnot just seem to melt away... are of no importance. If I am blessed with more days to my life, I pray I earnestly seek to study and to know my Jesus more, to love Him with all my heart, all my mind and soul!

My sweet grandma, I can hear her say this now...

"Tammy dear, love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul."

She was very wise and now walks with her Lord.

I hope I make my remaining days ones all about Christ. Learning to empty myself of me and fill my heart up with Christ in order to shine with Him and for him.

Thank you Christ for my life, your love and all that you have taught me!

Two New Blogs!

2010-01-17T19:50:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone, I wanted you to check out my two new blog sites;

Special Needs Items For Sale

and

Tid-Bits & More By Tamara

These are both special sites that I really have been thinking of doing for quiet sometime. I would love to hear your thoughts if you would be so gracious to do so.

Hope all of you are doing well!

Let the Waters Rise

2010-01-17T15:08:00.000-08:00

What a wonderful song.. brings tears to my eyes! I will follow you God!

I've Been Awarded...

2010-01-15T11:41:00.000-08:00

I've been tagged by Shawna with the Honest Scrap Award and am supposed to share 10 random, honest things about myself.

1. I always wished I could sing like Shania Twain, looking like her wouldn't be so bad either.

2. I detested reading until a friend of mine introduced me to Francis Rivers books.

3. I long for eternity more now than I ever have.

4. I have a picture of Kramer on my computer because when I am in a mood he makes me laugh!

5. I have a huge love for peanut M&M's and can chow through a whole Costco bag size in one day and this is why I could never look like Shania Twain... oh well.

6. I let my kids play the WII longer than I should just to have more time to myself, yikes!

7. I despise doing laundry and purge my closet every three months to get rid of excess stuff.

8. I am too organized for my own good and sometimes can't find things I organize.

9. I actually enjoyed learning at my CNA program.

10. My kitchen had chocolate brown cabinets, barn red & mustard yellow curtains with black granite counter tops and I would love to change it out to butter cream cabinets, beige and barn red curtains and marbled white and brown granite counter tops.

Now I have to tag 5 people to do this, so I tag;

1. Alicia
2. The V.W.'s
3. Hope
4. Corie
5. Cathy

After you post your 10 honest things about yourself add this award to your blog!

The Sweetest Thing

2010-01-15T07:30:00.001-08:00

My sweet boy came home the other day all excited for me to read a paragraph that he wrote himself to promote himself for student council. I was very proud of him and so happy that he would be interested in joining this group!

I had to sign off that we had read through the commitments that a child has to agree to before applying. One of the commitments was that you had to do community service.

So, I asked Jacob,

"Honey do you know what this is?"

"Yup, oh yeah mom I know all about this"

"You do?"

"Yeah, of course mom! You do too, we do it at church all the time!"

"What... at church? What do you mean? When have you done community service at church"?

"MOM, you know when you eat that little piece of bread and drink that juice... thats community service Mom!"

I almost fell of my chair! How Sweet!!!!!! Oh I just hugged him and was so thankful for such a sweet memory and moment shared between us! It still makes me laugh!

Please Join Me In Prayer

2010-01-12T08:22:00.001-08:00

This is a high school friend of mine that I recently found out has cancer all throughout his body. We just got in touch through Face book back in the beginning of October '09 and I think later that month he found out. He is now at home in hospice with his family, a believer and his faith is steadfast as he and his wife continue to hold to the Lord... He is one of the biggest inspirations to me.

Would you please join me in prayer for his family as they endure this battle together, especially his kids... I can not even imagine.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Ohhh, Nooo I just found out that Dane has passed away.... please pray for his family.....

We're Home

2010-01-08T15:03:00.000-08:00

THANK YOU ALL for your prayers!

The anaesthesiologists ended up putting her to sleep two times, the 1st to put in the I.V. and EEG leads and the second time for the dye and scan. All in all she did well, she was not too happy after she woke up the 1st time, I think her I.V. really hurt her and since it was in her foot that she does not use too much she would consistently kick it with her other foot and shriek out in pain poor baby.

She just finished a "four" hour nap which she never does... and now she is getting a nice soak in the tub. Again, it was so nice to know that you all were praying for her, thanks it calmed my nerves. ;O)

I am working on a new blog site for us moms which I should be able to get up and running soon! Hopefully we can all benefit from it, you will have to let me know your thoughts and input!

I hope you all had a wonderful day today!

Leaving Now For Children's Hospital

2010-01-08T05:58:00.000-08:00

Nothing like waking up early to beat the rush hour traffic just to end up at the hospital to hand over your child and stand by their side as they put her to sleep! Yeah Me! What a great day this will be. No matter how strong I have grown through this trial, hospital visits, procedures are never easy. Abby get that PET-SCAN done today. We have to be there right at 9 am sharp! I would appreciate your prayers that this would go quickly for her with minimal yuckyness, for my nerves and that the findings would be something wonderful... like her brain is completely healed! Ha, don't I wish! Well, thanks for checking in today and for being with us in prayer, you are all the best!

Abigail's New Stroller!

2009-12-26T18:21:00.000-08:00

After many months of fighting, digging my teeth in and NOT letting go, Medicaid finally agreed to this "push chair" for Abby. If I could have one Christmas wish it would be to have a few of Santa's reindeer to poop all over the upper management's desks and maybe leave a large yellow trail or two! Can you tell I just love Medicaid? They probably have my face posted up on their walls with my name so that any claim that comes through everyone knows to automatically DENI it! Shoot howdy, I say... bring it on... this bulldog... she ain't gonna back down anymore, I've got their number! No ones gonna tell me what type of equipment that my child will use!

This stroller is incredable! It will grow with her until the age of 12! Unless she grows taller sooner! I got all the bells and whistles with it, umbrella, tray, grabrail, rain cover, winter zip on blanket, canopy, extra cushions, feeding bag and more! Abby loves being in this because finally I think she is sitting up correctly with the support that she needs. Since she has grown taller and gained more weight, she was struggling to hold herself up correctly. On of the great features is that it will recline in any position you want and also completely lay back vertically!

The Musty was wonderful and easy to use, but her head was hanging over the top when we would recline it back.

So, anyone looking for a really good stroller and babysitter for their child or know of anyone that needs this type of system? I am trying to sell Abby, and it is in excellent condition!!! Here is what it comes with:

One stroller chassie
One set of extra brand new wheels
One rain cover, never been used with storage bag
One Babysitter chassie, never used
One Red seat with grab rail
One red canopy with view window and pocket
One college pink seat with grab rail
One college pink canopy with view window and pocket
One college pink diaper bag, never been used
One eating tray

The Items look like:

COLLEGE PINK SEAT WITH GRAB RAIL

BABYSITTER CHASSI WITH CHAIR ON IT

BABYSITTER CHASSI

STROLLER CHASSI

RED SEAT WITH GRAB RAIL

EATING TRAY AND OR TOY TRAY

RAIN COVER

DIAPER BAG

All items like I said are in excellet condition and most have never been used! If you are interested or know of some one that is interested please e-mail me! Here is the MUSTY LINK to see it in more detail. It is called the "4Rider".

We had a wonderful Christmas, but Abby is getting teeth and not feeling too well. Here you can see she is chewing and sucking on her finger so much it has turned white and layers of skin are coming off! I am not sure what to do, socks on the hand make her angry because she can't suck, and band aids won't stick. She is going through a lot of clothes she is drooling so much! Poor baby! All I can do is hold her, rock her and give her Motrin.

Here is what I did for the kids Christmas dinner center piece... I love Christmas so magical and fun!

I hope and pray your time with your family was exceptional!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

This photo is priceless!

Would You Like To Participate?

2009-12-18T06:53:00.000-08:00

I am writing to ask if you would be interested in a project called, Exceptional Family TV which is scheduled to launch in the Spring of 2010. A good friend and special needs parent is the senior producer with Warm Springs Productions (www.warmspringsproductions.com), and he will be directing/producing and hosting this internet based show which will air as weekly episodes. EFamilyTV has partnered not only with Warm Springs Productions but also Bridgeworks Creative for the marketing/web design and EP Global Communications whose website www.eparent.com receives over 1.3 million unique hits per month from the special needs community. EP Global Communications publishes Exceptional Parent Magazine among many other services they provide to this community.

These companies are all partnering to create a tremendous website destination to "webcast" these weekly episodes focusing on the reality of families raising children with special needs. A few of the elements we will be offering are an integrated social networking platform, forums/blogs, and ecommerce marketplace for special needs products such as clothing, toys, travel, equipment, etc. Warmsprings productions has just launched with basic information, and they will be adding elements each month beginning January 2010, with a full launch scheduled for May 1, 2010.

EFamilyTV will be covering a variety of topics. Nathan will visit with families all over the world and talk with them about the reality of their daily life. Covering issues like how they dealt as a family when their child was diagnosed, daily scheduling, how they deal with the stress it puts on the marriage, siblings, therapies, insurance, death etc. They will share their stories of what they have found to be helpful and what has not worked.

Beyond that, he will be covering other topics like special needs organizations, nutrition, GFCF diets, travel ideas that would include both the special needs child and the typical siblings, new technology, talking with various specialists about a multitude of diagnosis and sharing the information, support and news with these families online.

They are scheduling out production shoot dates for 2010 and I was wondering if anyone would be interested in partaking in this in wonderful event! If this is something you think you'd be interested in or think you know of someone that would be please e-mail me!

Blessing to ya all!

Abby Enjoying A Bit Of Christmas

2009-12-16T17:48:00.000-08:00

Almost There!

2009-12-16T14:30:00.000-08:00

I am so excited as tomorrow I am officially done with school!!!! I can't believe how quickly 6 weeks has flown by! I am also very excited that I have been approved to be paid 5 hours a day 7 days a week to to care for Abby! I will not loose any PDN and I can also work somewhere during the day and get paid with my CNA!! WOW that is such a great Christmas Present to me!

I would highly recommend to everyone to look into a program like PASCO! They are great! They paid for my schooling, will be paying me $14.80 an hour to start, I get two weeks paid vacation, 1 week sick paid time, full benefits, and mileage... and longer you work for them the more you get paid! If you live in CO here is their number: 303-233-3122. It is so worth it if you can swing the classes, six weeks it's nothing and if you have a child with disabilities they are the ones that get you the free scholarships! Give them a call, what do you have to loose?

Just had to share... Merry Christmas Everyone!!!!

Hello...

2009-12-15T00:59:00.001-08:00

Its 2 o'clock and here I am re-doin my blog just for fun. I think I am done tweaking for now and I am beginning to yawn. Before I go I wanted to let ya all know I am almost done with school! Next week Monday and Tuesday I have clinicals and then there's a sate board exam and I am finished! Feels good to accomplish something outside the home!

Abbys is doing well, teething still, well I think so, she is drooling like a leaking faucet. She is still seizure free, praise God and we are hoping she continues down this road.

Well sleep is calling nothing exciting to report, hope all are well and that you are enjoying this upcoming blessed holiday! What are you all doing? Going away, family coming in, staying home, resting, sleeping.. sleep I need sleep.... good night.

oh just another photo of Abby not smiling... she is so sweet... I think she is thinkin', "momma why we out in the cold?"

Frumpy Girl Makes for Frumpy Photos

2009-12-13T10:01:00.000-08:00

It was very cold yesterday, especially in the shade! Abby and I had a small photo shoot session yesterday and I love our photos! She was not very cooperative, but non the less, this too is part of her personality that I just love, that sweet frumpy face!

Since she lost her tooth on the bottom row, front and center its very difficult for me to get a shot of the empty spot. When she smiles she does not show her bottom teeth, so no photo of that, thus far.

Here are some shots of our time. I just love that face, my sweet angel!

MAYDAY, MAYDAY WE'VE LOST A TOOTH!

2009-12-11T08:15:00.000-08:00

O.k. have you ever pondered what would happen when your child lost their 1st tooth? I mean for us parents with these special kidos... Did you ever have worries about not knowing when? Abby can't communicate, I don't know if a tooth is loose... she has been drooling excessively and crying a lot, but I looked and saw that a molar was coming in so figured it was that. I never in a million years figured it was a loose tooth... how would I know to check?

This morning the nurse and I were looking at her thumb which is pruned white with a few spots that show excessive rubbing from other teeth, ouch.... and then to my surprise I saw a black spot, took a double look and there was NO tooth!

Oh I panicked, where was it? Is she grumpy because she swallowed it? Was it in her bed, oh we have to find it I don't want her to roll over and it end up in her mouth somehow! Is it in her stroller... where is this missing tooth? I had to find it!!!! There was no blood we had no idea!

THERE IT IS..... this tiny perfect little white pearl on the seat of her stroller! PHEW..... Oh what a relief!

Because of her cleft repair, her teeth are not perfectly spaced apart.. I love my little piranha's mouth! They make her her, and are a huge part of her character that I just LOVE! But, because they are so squished together its hard to tell if one is loose!

Anyhoo... this was better than any caffeine jolt I've ever had!

WHEN WILL THE INSANITY STOP!!!!

2009-12-08T14:49:00.000-08:00

Here is an e-mail that I sent to Adam Chodack with Channel 9 News just a few moments ago!

Hi there Adam, I never heard back from you regarding my daughters socks and all the research that was completed with that. Did the story fizz out?

I have hit a new issue that I am even more fired up about. Again dealing with my daughter and a medication that she is taking for her seizures called Sabril. Until a few months ago this drug was not legal here in the US. Now the FDA has approved it, but the only way to get it is through a program called the S.H.A.R.E. Program. Once an application has been submitted and your neurologists has filled out the forms, signed and faxed in to them, they contact your insurance company to see if they will pay for this drug and if so, which of the four pharmacies in the US that is allowed to distribute it will they accept.

Until this program, we have been paying $132.00 for a ONE month for this product through a pharmacy called "Caligor" in New York. Since my daughter has been approve through SHARE and our insurance company has accepted this pharmacy, "CuraScript" in Orlando and we have received one order. TO MY OUTRAGE THE BILL FOR A ONE MONTH SUPPLY IS $2,400.00!!!!!!!!! ARE THEY FREAKING KIDDING?

I have called SHARE 888.514.5204 and have got the run around, was transferred 4 times with hopes to speak to a

"SALLY BENJAMIN YOUNG" WITH...

Lundbeck Research USA Company Information

Company Name Lundbeck Research USA, Inc.
Headquarter 215 College Rd
Paramus, NJ, 07652-1400
lundbeckresearchusa.lundbeck.com
Country USA
Phone Number +1.201.261.1331
Industry Healthcare, Pharmaceuticals, & Biotech
Employees 100 - 250
Revenue $10 - 50M
Ownership Privately Held

Which after being put on hold for about 10 min. was unable to be located. The lady that I spoke to Maisy or Daisy gave me some run around that there are only 25,000 that are on this dwarf drug in the US and that the FDA required millions of dollars to be spent on testing before it could be approved. She said there are many reasons as to why the price is high, but could not tell me any of them.

LUNDBECK WELCOM PAGE SAYS:
We are a research-based company. We engage in research to find new drugs for treatment of CNS disorders, include ing depression, schizophrenia, Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease and insomnia. These are serious disorders. They affect not only patients, but also their families and friends. Besides the stress of having a CNS disorder, patients are often exposed to prejudice because, in many sections of society, there is still far too little understanding of how adversely a CNS disorder affects an individual’s life. We have taken upon ourselves the task of improving quality of life for persons with a psychiatric or neurological disorder, and we are working intensely to find and develop new and improved drugs. We believe that we can make a significant difference, and we are happy to do so in cooperation with others.

Funny I just found this on them....
Lundbeck accused of cornering drugs for infant ailment
Posted on December 7, 2009 5:47 PM
The Federal Trade Commission and Minnesota state officials offered opening arguments Monday in their case against a company that bought the only two drugs used to treat infants for a genetic defect and then jacked up the prices. U.S. District Court Judge Joan Ericksen presided over what is scheduled to be an eight-day bench trial against Lund beck Inc.'s purchase of two competing treatments for a rare infant heart condition, known as patent ductus arteriosus, or PDA.

I CAN NOT GET THE WHOLE STORY!!!

Can you help in anyway??? I don't know where to go but AGAIN, I wish to EXPOSE these criminals!!!!!! From above, it looks to be that they are already being accused for a different drug!

ARUGH... THIS IS discrimination once again against the ones that are in need! WHERE WILL THIS END? PLEASE HELP ME GET THIS STORY OUT IN THE PUBLIC EYE!

Your thought and consideration if greatly appreciated!

Tamara Cochran
Owner/Photographer
TCPHOTOJOURNALISM
720.212.9133
http://www.tcphotojournalism.com

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS!!!!!!

Awwww

2009-11-25T14:43:00.000-08:00

The other day I called home and Matt put the phone down to Abbys ear. I spoke to her telling her I loved her and that she my mommas girl and my precious princess... She laughed back, squeeled and awwed!

I know this may not sound like a big deal, but I cried.. this was the 1st time I was hearing my sweet angels voice over the phone.. she was telling me she knew me and recognized my voice and that she loved it!

I am thankful for many a thing... but this, hearing my daughters voice over the phone is a precious memory I will never forget!

Thank you Lord!

Happy Thanksgiving to all my sweet blogger buddies!

Bragging Rights

2009-11-25T14:21:00.000-08:00

My brother is the Master Sculpter for Toyota. This is a short video that he is in and the latest design hes done....

Check it out, I LOVE this car! Whacha think?

I am pretty proud of him!

Oh, he is the one sculpting the car....

Nursing, Sick and Split Heads!

2009-11-18T18:38:00.000-08:00

Yup Im sick with an awful head cold that I believe I go from Joe man who seems to be doing just fine! Why do the little ones just sneeze and cough and then they are done and me.... ohhh it's lagging! Now Abby has caught it, praise the Lord it is only a head
cold!

School is going well, took my 1st test and got 100% plus some bonus points! Have a another test tomorrow and one on Monday, whew this is not easy for this momma who has been outta school for 22 years, ohhh ouch that ages me! I headed in today sick and all doped up on DayQuil and tried to disguise my running stuffy nose! Funny we learned about the chain of infection, microorganisms, pathogens, asepsis and a whole lot more... Yeah I felt a wee bit guilty for sitting there trying to look and "feel" normal learning about all this stuff!

Oh split heads... a couple of days ago Joey split his head open! I know it hits all at once doesn't it! So off the er we went and thankfully we got glue and not stitches. Oh the joy of having little ones!

Other than that, I am TIRED and the Martha Stewart in me has waved the white flag on cleaning and keeping up on the house and all, while I am back in school!

Hope to be back soon... take care!

So Much and Christmas TOO!

2009-11-13T08:48:00.000-08:00

I have been busy, busy decorating for Christmas!

YUP I said CHRISTMAS!

I LOVE Christmas and the sooner I can escape to all its magical beauty and wonders in my home the BETTER! :O)
My boys were so excited when they came home from school and saw all the twinkling lights! I love my tree and decorating it just makes me think of my grandma as she too had many old fashion glass ornament's, oh I just love my memories, what a treasure they are!

Abby is still free of seizures!

God is so GOOD and I truly believe that this is His answer to surgery!
Oh how relieved I am! He is SO GOOD!
I called the Doc and informed him of this new news and he asked if we did anything different, after I told him no he just said that seizures just sometimes do that... in my heart I knew it was at the Lords hand only and not "just because seizures do that". He did mention that we should go forward with the pet-scan, but that we could push it out until January. I am praying that Medicaid will pick up the reminder balance and that we won't have any out of pocket expense. So for Now we are scheduled for Jan 8th, 2010.

She is doing great, just giggling like mad and full of life! I love having her in the basement, she is all in one spot and not spread out. We spend a lot more time there together as a family and there is much laughter and fun played!

As far as school, I start on Monday. Lately when asked about it I have not felt nervous, weird... actually I don't feel anything right now. Maybe when I get there and meld into it a little I will feel something. Not sure why I am so k-sa-ra-sa-ra, but thinking on Monday morn I will have a few jitters. One thing that I am excited about is that I will be all done before Christmas!
Now thats fantastic and doable!

Here are some more photos of my favorite ornaments, I got some of these this year. Each year I splurge a little to add more to my collection. Its been a long process, 10 years now and I have about 1/4 of the tree from top to bottom that I have yet to fill up. Maybe within the next 2-3 years I will be able to have my whole tree beautified all the way around!

Abby's Tu-Tu Princess 2009

Reminder of Grandmas Favorite Bird 2009

Santa's Carriage 2009

Mr. Frosty 2001

Oh How Pretty! All the kids names are spelt out on our tree somewhere!

And Last But Not Least.... Here is a photo of my very shy and non-social son Joey after his Fall Program. He sung a solo and brought the house down! Boy, was I proud of him! Not sure where he gets his talent, nor his thick charm.... but boy oh boy do I see trouble in the future!

"MERRY CHRISTMAS" ... he-he!

What Could This Be??

2009-11-10T15:13:00.000-08:00

This is great news about Abby... for the last 4 days now she has been seizure free!

I don't wanna pop a bubble by somehow sharing with too many people...

But, I think it is too WONDERFUL to hold in any longer!

This miracle that is happening.... why now... is this Gods answer to our prayers about surgery? Has He healed her? Nothing has changed with her care as far as medicine goes.... I have no way to explain it, just that for now she not seizing!!!!

She is super giggly and wants to be held all the time, she is over laying down and wants to sit up or stand up, she will fuss and then cry really loud if you lay her down, this is all wonderful, but killing my back!

All this wonderful praise goes all to God, for it is at His hand that this favor has come our way, and if it is just for one more day... we will take it, if it is for just one more week... we will take it and if it is the rest of her days... we will take it!

I am putting a call into the neurologists tomorrow to inform them of what is happening and wait to hear from them to see what they think we should do next. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR PRAYERS!!!!!!!! WHAT A JOY TO HAVE PARTAKEN IN THIS MIRACLE!

I will keep you all posted on what happens next! PS Please pray for me as I start school on Monday.... YIKES!!!

The Date Is Set

2009-11-07T03:09:00.000-08:00

I spoke to a dear neighbor today (who happens to be a nurse) and was telling her of Abby and what we are faced with. She encouraged me to call and get her scheduled for her pet-scan soon and so with that bit of encouragement I did.

Making this quick call somehow solidifies that it is all real and that is why I put have been putting it off. When I called the 1st time I was transferred and hung up on, good reason to think... "awe, maybe it's meant to be won't call back". The second time I got through and the person on the other end was very gruff, I wanted to say, "ya know I hear they are hiring at McDonald's if you don't care for your job all that much!" What has happened to customer service today? Don't they know that making these calls are difficult for parents?

Anyways, it seemed like an eternity as I waited for a date and time... thinking it would be within the next two weeks, she comes back with December 24th! Of course it's the only time slot available until next year! Are you kidding me, Christmas eve! I think I said without thinking, "your open on Christmas eve?"

Because of insurance and deductibles this will be paid for at 100% so it has to be done before the year ends... but on Christmas eve Lord? I love Christmas! It's my favorite part of the year, the last place I want to be is in the hospital waiting as my child lay unconscious on a cold stainless steal table having die shot in her while someone takes images of her brain!

This gal then proceeds to tell me she will have an EEG done before they do the pet-scan! Arugh, really? She has to go through that again too! We just got all that glue out of her hair!!!!! I am not excited about this at all, more reason to set my heart against doing it or that it should be done!

Why can't things go smoothly for once? Why couldn't I just make the call and talk to a very understanding sweet person, who would not mind answering all my curious questions that any parent would ask about this procedure? Why couldn't she have given me an appointment within the next month even? Why Christmas eve!!!! Why??

Can you tell I am a bit irritated right now? Its 4:30 and I am up rambling on about my frustration... thanks for listening...

Zach Fights Back!

2009-11-05T15:35:00.000-08:00

CLICK HERE TO READ MORE ON ZACH'S FIGHT!

If you can find it in your heart to help donate to this worth cause.. Your part only $25.00!

What a blessing it is to bless others and lend a helping hand!

I'm Published!

2009-11-02T12:45:00.000-08:00

Well... It's A Go! I finally published my photography website! check it out HERE and let me know your thoughts! I hope to add some music soon, still a little tweaking here and there, but all in all, whew... I am finished. YEAH ME! Check that one off the list!

Oh, I am also going back to school! Did I ever mention that? I am starting next week for my CNA. Medicaid will pay ME to take care of Abbs, but I have to get my CNA 1st. Since she qualifies... I get to go to school for free! A 6 week course with clinicals and I am done by Christmas! Phew.... yeah... still trying to keep busy!

We have not made a decision either way yet as far as surgery, but I am going to go through with the PET-SCAN before this year is up. Her deductible is all paid so it is covered at 100%. Must take advantage of that.

Thanks again for all your prayers! I do feel peace today about it.. thank you!

So Sweet!

2009-11-01T15:42:00.000-08:00

Keeping Occupied With Pumpkin Fun

2009-10-30T18:43:00.000-07:00

Trying to stay busy... almost forgot to carve these beauty's which were a gift from my sweet friend Jan down in Durango... grown in her beautiful garden!

I shared with Jacob & Joe that we are like pumpkins grown in the patch... At harvest Christ cut us from this worldly vine and took us as His own. He opened us up and scooped out all the slimy yucky sin, gave us new eyes and a new smile, wiped us clean and put a light within (the Holy Spirit) to glow for all to see!

Abby and our sweet nurse Tara sharing pumpkin therapy together!

Just Stuff & Heartache

2009-10-30T09:15:00.000-07:00

Hey Jen... this one is just for you because I know how much you miss the snow!!!! Taken this morning from our backyard.

Sweet Little Girl! The last shot I took of her in the hospital.

An emotional request... your thoughts are wanted...

I know you all don't know the medical part of brain surgery... but from a mommas point of view... what would you do? The doc just informed me that with every seizure it could kill her (never was informed of this before!), and with surgery there are many high risks... I know praying about it is 1st and foremost... but God does not always "verbally" tell us what to do....

Where would your heart go?

My mind goes blank, then my heart feels crushed... I love Abby the way she is... with surgery there is a huge possibility she will loose a big part of what she is and it may never come back... I am talking her little sweet spirit, giggling, having the ability to move her left arm and leg.... Oh I detest the "what-if's"... I told a friend that I am sick of "majoring in the majors" I don't want to major and longer... I would take the minors any day! Why does everything have to be so difficult with these precious little ones! Facing surgery, I have to embrace a high possibility of death... am I ready for that, can anyone be ready for that, do I want to venture out in those un-charted waters? Is God calling me there?

I don't like this constant sting in my heart I want it to go away! This black heaviness that bears down on my heart... I have re-arranged another room and moved Abby down to the basement... LOTS of work... Making excuses that it will be easier to have her all in one spot... organize, organize... stay busy... keep busy so I don't have to think about it... How long do I put it off, how long can I stay "busy" to avoid just talking about it?

Oh how I long for eternity where everything is perfect, no more tears, just basking in our Fathers glory.... No decisions to make, no sleepless nights tossing and turning waking up with a soar jaw from gritting teeth all night long...

Trust in God, Trust in God... bla, bla, bla...! I know all that... that is all fine and dandy when life is good! Doing "that" in the midst of a firey hell is another story!

Sorry to be so brash, but this is reality... this is the walk and cry of a child of God who has just been lead to a deep dark valley and is about to enter in. God has lead us here once before with Doc. Devinski and we have walked away and now we have been lead there again with Doc Laperskote.

O.k. I can't think about this anymore... hurts too much...

Were Home!

2009-10-27T16:46:00.000-07:00

This afternoon the doc came in and said that he had enough info and that he wanted us to go home. He said because of the h1n1 virus and all the folks at the hospital infected, it would be best to leave as h1n1 causes seizures. He took me back to the monitoring room and showed me a seizure on the EEG and explained that Abby is having focal seizures in the right frontal lobe which we knew, he mentioned that being that is is focal she is a candidate for surgery. He mentioned that very few are candidates so it is good that she is, but there are many risks with the surgery too. Death being the worst, insefolitus (sp?), stroke and many other things... He wants to get a PET-SCAN done soon to target the leision and if that does not do it, then they will have to open her up, put electroids on her brain, "refridgerate" her scull his words... and do another EEG with her head wrapped for 5-7 days to pinpoint the leasion. I don't know.... I didn't ask and didn't want to know. I am not there yet so I am not going to think about it. Are we going to go forward with the surgery... I am not sure.... He told me that even now with her seizing, with every seizure it could kill her instantly! Wow didn't know that one, still chewing on it, processing it kinda... just trying to put it outta my mind and remember God is in control....

She is doing well, sleeping now and I need to get her dinner ready, but wanted to update everyone.. Oh the genetics department did stop by and mentioned that they need to do blood work and some test.. just looking at her and knowing her past they think she has oh shoot just forgot the name.. something like "champ" syndrome - I know that is not right, so please don't quote me, will know more after the tests...

Thanks to everyone for your sweet prayers and comments... what true friends I have!

More Photos

2009-10-27T09:55:00.001-07:00

View From Our Room
One Of Our Nurses
Happy Now
Hospital Fun

All Settled In...

2009-10-27T09:26:00.000-07:00

Abby did fairly well with the process... After about 30 min. she was done and did not hold back on letting everyone know so! She calmed down quite quickly after I told her, "all done momma, all done" and she smiled... I caught it on film with swollen eyes, red spots and all!

The doctor told me this morning that we may not have to stay as long as orginally planned. Just maybe one or two more days and we could be good to go. We are happy with that!

Thank you all for your prayers for us! Just a side note, I am borrowing this laptop and do not have my address book for e-mails... so if you are wanting me to contact you via e-mail, please e-mail me so I can respond... sorry don't have everyones e-mail addresses memorized :O)

Blessing Tam!

CHOA Were On Our Way.

2009-10-26T08:39:00.000-07:00

CHOA is the Children's Hospital Of Aurora. We check in at 12:30 and then head up to our room. We get tot take the Willy Wonka glass elevator to the 6th room unload and prepare for the yucky, smelly and very miserable administering of those electrodes!

We are taking two huge suit cases with all Abby's gear and blankets and pillows for comfort! One of our sweet nurses let me borrow her laptop, so I am hoping to blog while we are there! I think I will get a lot of computer time in during these 5 days! I am also taking my camera, so maybe if this laptop works I can upload some photos of our smelly, yucky but very necessary adventure.

So if ya want to say hello, please feel free to drop me a line either here or e-mail me at hislittlelambs@msn.com.

OHMYTHISISSOADORABLE!!!!!

2009-10-12T18:15:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't You Just Know It!

2009-10-07T17:46:00.000-07:00

So yesterday Abby's nurse came home from school with Abbs and she mentioned that Abby will be on Fall break for the next two weeks... Uh-oh... I ran to my computer looked up my boys schedule and low and behold they too are on Fall break until the 26th starting the 9th! GREAT this is the problem living in a state with no family, no baby-sitters! So I had to re-schedule Abbs appointment. We are now hospital bound on the 26th until the 30th. I am kinda glad it got post-poned a little while, nothing like putting off yucky stuff!

Thank you to all that left comments & mentioned they will be praying... we'd like to take a rain check on those! You are all wonderful and it is so good to have such an incredible support group out there!!!

We are all doing well, Abby's seizures are increasing still, getting more like hard jolts and lasting a bit longer.... but she keeps smiling and is still her sweet, sweet little self! I have not taken any photos of her in awhile, my camera just "stopped" working awhile ago, thankfully I have another, but am getting used to it... so maybe tomorrow I will practice on her and put some new photos up. She is getting very tall and is pretty skinny. We have an appointment at the gastro's in a week so it will be good to see what he thinks and if he is going to increase again her feeds. I don't want her to get any bigger, she is so long its getting hard to hold her... because of this growth spurt she does not have the core strength to help hold up the extra inches!

Well, again thank you and I will keep you posted ~ Until then... Tam

Hospital Bound

2009-10-05T09:08:00.000-07:00

Well, just got a phone call and things seem to be happening soon than later. We are scheduled to head off for an Video EEG on Monday the 12th through the 16th. I am excited that she got in so soon, but there goes my back! Arugh I can already feel it starting to crimp up from sleeping on those yucky chairs... just a small sacrifice for my little one. Well that's all... not a long post, just a small tid-bit of info.

Tam

Children's Hospital Appointment

2009-10-04T07:25:00.000-07:00

First, thank you all to those that prayed for our appointment! Our appointment was great, the nurse practitioner and doctor were wonderful. I feel very good about them and giving it a go to leave Abby's neurology care in their hands. They will be making their own assessments from past MRI's and EEG and with new ones that she will have done at Children's. I was grateful for that, this way I know they want to see for themselves what is really going on, not just based off of Dr. Devinsky's findings. They did mention surgery, but as a last resort. First after the tests, they want to try the Kinetic Diet, then if that does not work there is something called the Vagal Nerve Stimulator. I don't know much about these options and need to look into the pro's and con's of both, but if anyone has had experience or knows anything I would love to hear!

The tests won't be set until sometime late October or late November possibly December! So I am thinking that next year we will start in a new direction.

Again, thank you very much for your prayers!

Tam

Wow, Thank You!

2009-09-27T14:26:00.000-07:00

I can never say that my blogger buddies won't be there when I need some advice! Thanks to everyone who left a comment regarding my last post! I am so grateful for all the advice! It was extremely comforting to read that other momma's have made the decision for the shots and nothing happened. I was also reassured by those that left comments, e-mails and calls about the other view too.

I really don't feel convicted either way right now and the little "un-nerving" concerns I have... I am trusting God to lead where we should go in regards to it, but again thank you all for your sweet opinions and advice!!!!

This coming Thursday we are headed out for our neurology appointment at Children's Hospital. I am hopeful that we will be on a road to new answers and new help right here in CO. The thought of going to NY again... opf... I can't even swallow that nor do I want too! If ya think of it we would appreciate your prayers for this day.

Thanks again, you all ROCK in my book!

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

VACCINATIONS

2009-09-23T08:43:00.000-07:00

O.k. I need your advice!

Abby just went in for her annual check up and the doc mentioned "again" that she is still not current on her shots. She has only gotten one set of them since birth and I got scared not knowing how they would effect her because we did not know what was wrong with her.

My aunt is a bio-chemist and makes these drugs and has vehemently forewarned our family to stay away from the flu shot because of all the "poison" in it, but what of the others.... I am at a point of "arugh" and want to know what you all have done with your little ones.

Now that she is in school and around more "junk" I'm not sure what to do... The boy are up to date, but they can bring things home too. So far we have been bless and I just keep praying that the Lord will protect her from anything... He is bigger and more powerful than any vaccination... and He has done just that... she has only caught little colds...

The thought of going to the hospital because she has not been vaccinated is terrifying and but the un-known of what these shots could do is even more terrifying! What to do, What to do!!!!

Do you have any advice? What have you done? Were you where I am ever with that I feel? What did you do???? I need HELP!!!! Winter is coming and so are the ugly virus right along with it!

Tam

Oh where oh where have I gone?

2009-09-17T08:19:00.001-07:00

LIFE... as I have said before about life taking me in all directions it continues to do so! I got depressed when I realize that no one stopped by anymore (not that I don't blame anyone, Im not posting) so I removed the recent visitors list... not sure what I was so bummed about... I am not partaking in this... Not that I don't want too, I miss everyone and having the time to stop by read and respond, pray... ough, its just not there. Even now I should not be on here posting, I have bills to pay and prepare and pack our car for another trip to Durango.

Humm... real quick, Abby. Her seizures have increased to 13-18 per day. Last Saturday night I was up all night with her terrified that she was having a stroke again. She was unconsolable, screaming and shaking with pain from 11pm to 4am... Just to toss in the mix she has lost 2 pounds so her gastro doc increased her feeds and she did not tolerate it very well and has been throwing up, and she has that yucky virus going around, viral gastro interitus which = diareaha and a red raw open bottom!!! In the middle of all this my washer broke! ~ Perfect timing! As today she is feeling better, her bottom is healing, the vomiting has stopped due to going back to the original feed dose.

We have a appointment at Children's Hospital on the 30th to see a new neurologists. Being that her siezures have increased so much, NYU docs want us to come back to NY ASAP. Well, we can't do that for many reasons. I am praying that this 3 hour appointment here will be good, a blessing and full of good advice on what to do next. I am curious to see what they say, as the Sabril is not working any longer.

One reason I am not on the site much anymore is that I am trying to get my photography site up and running. Much to do and it takes a lot of my time. I will let you know when it's published so you can check it out and let me know your thoughts.

The boys are doing well. Both in school and loving football which takes up 5:30 pm to 8:00 pm every night with games on weekends. Abby's is faring well with this so far ( we wait in the car and try to keep her happy), but I'm not sure what we are going to do when it starts snowing and gets cold!

I am sorry this is short, but who's reading right? I am just talking to myself here, but for the loyal ones that do stop by, I will post from time to time when I have a moment.

Tam

Take 5, Listen, sing along and Be Blessed!

2009-08-24T05:53:00.000-07:00

Worthy is the,
Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy, is He
Sing a new song, to Him who sits on
Heaven's Mercy Seat
[Repeat 2x]

(Chorus)
Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing:
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything,
And I will adore You…!
Yeah!

Clothed in rainbows, of living color
Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor, strength and
Glory and power be
To You the Only Wise King,
Yeah

(Chorus)
Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come, yeah
With all creation I sing:
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything,
And – I - will - adore You!
Yeah!

Filled with wonder,
Awestruck wonder
At the mention of Your Name
Jesus, Your Name is Power
Breath, and Living Water
Such a marvelous mystery
Yeah...

(Chorus)
Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come, yeah
With all creation I sing:
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything,
And – I - will - adore You!

Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come,
With all creation I sing:
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything,
And – I - will - adore YOU…

(Chorus) (Repeat at a cappella)

Come up lift up His Name
To the King of Kings…
We will adore YOU Lord…
King of heaven and earth
King Jesus, King Jesus
Aleluya, aleluya, aleluya!
Majesty, awestruck Honor
And Power and Strength and Dominion
To You Lord,
To the King, to King
To the King of Glory

YUP... IM ALIVE, JUST BUSY!

2009-08-21T18:07:00.000-07:00

Hi all, once again I find myself entangled with life and just can't seem to keep updated so good! I am short on time, but would love for you all to visit my other site PRAYERS FOR LITTLE ANGELS, just click on the button above. I have started a new program and would like to provide the opportunity for you all to donate to a worthy cause if you are able.

I truly admire all you wonderful moms out there that are crazy busy yet have the time to be consistent in your blogging! Please know you are all on my mind and now with kids in school, nursing a go and family gone, I hope to have more time to just BE!

((((HUGS)))) Tam

Oh the photo... Not sure if I posted this one or not, but I just love it!!!
The boys hanging out at the Baths of Caracalla, Rome

We Are Not Made For Mirrors

2009-08-07T04:07:00.001-07:00

Standing in front of a mirror to study oneself, walk by for a glance or looking up in the rearview mirror to check ourselves, these moves are deeper than the 1D image they reflect. As we study, glance or check we are really peering deeper into ourself for a moment or two.

What we’re really seeing is a reflection of the heart that is either tired, lonely, doing just o.k., hurt, angry, sad or lost. Let’s face it, our lives are full of: “When it rains it pour's!”, “Why now!”, “Is this really happening?”, Not again!”, “Are you kidding me!” “I can’t do this anymore!”, “I’m so tried of this”, “What a mess!” It’s a soul condition that leaves you feeling empty inside, that nagging emptiness... “I’ve got to fill it somehow!”

So, we look to the world for fulfillment in material things, things to add to ourselves for a quick fix, a feel-better-and-pep-me-up pill! A quick pat on the back to boost our self esteem, food, alcohol, drugs or other sinful lusts. Oh this world is full of “quick fix’s” and makes it readily available at our finger tips and pretty much shoves it in our face!

This outer appearance in the worlds eye is most valuable and highly judged and the more you add the better you’ll feel and be accepted! It’s so easy to get caught in this trap even as a Christian. We all want a “quick fix”, who wants to take the long road? We find comfort in the words, “I don’t have the time, I’m too busy”, “Later...” and seek a false fulfillment that tastes of honey going down, but leaves a cramping shooting pain filled with more emptiness.

Our values today have fallen off the board, our ethic has drastically taken a turn towards our selfish desires. “In God We Trust”... yeah right it should state, “In Me I trust, because it is all about ME!” What has happened to our society, why have we declined to such baseline standards? Because we have replaced God with Self!

I’ve just learned of the word hedonism, do you know what a hedonist is? I always thought it wasn’t a good thing but didn’t know and had to look it up! Here is the dictionary definition;

“The pursuit of pleasure; sensual self-indulgence.” • the ethical theory that pleasure (in the sense of the satisfaction of desires) is the highest good and proper aim of human life.

Here is my definition;

“Hedonism is a false pursuit of self indulgences which are found in the things of this world. Adding to oneself things that produce a temporary satisfaction or high which is a quick fix and leads to an unhealthy waning of wanting more. This is a dangerous game to live full of pride and self destruction.” ~ Tamara Cochran

Do you think a Christian can live as a Hedonist? Think this one through, where does your thought process land? My answer is yes and here is how...

“Christian hedonism is a true pursuit of God indulgence which is found in Him alone. Constantly striving to know Christ which produces a lasting satisfaction or high which is an unfading joy that leads to a healthy waning of desiring more of Him. This is a sound way to live full of humility and self denial.” ~ Tamara Cochran

John Pipers modification of the definition for hedonism is: “A life devoted to pleasure in God.”

So how does the Christian live a life devoted to pleasure in God while the chaos & struggles continue? Jesus never promised us a life of sheer joy and perfection here on earth, we will experience that after we have fought the good fight! But, have you ever stopped to ponder that maybe God allows the chaos and struggles in our lives because He loves us?

I know, I know this sounds like an oxymoron, but honestly allow yourself to think this one through...

Without... we would have no need of Him if we were honest with ourselves. Our natural bend is to rely on self (a constant struggle for the person that is a controller, who isn’t... I’m the biggest one of all!)
Without... we become lord of our life
Without... pride and lust would reign
Without... we remain empty
Without... we have not peace
Without... we remain dead

With... we are drawn to go to Him.
With... we are reminded that He does not change in a world that is constantly changing. With... we are reminded that He is in control...
With... we are reminded that He is a God of order...
With... we know it is from His hand that our trials blow our way for our good to grow us, mold us, break us, perfect us!
With... we are reminded that we TRUST Him with our SALVATION, how can we not trust Him in ALL other areas of our life.
With... we are shown a array of good mercies, truths and that His grace is sufficient to carry us through.
With... we have a peace that surpasses all understanding
With... we have life abundantly

With is where I want to be. “With” is a struggle for me! I am like that salmon swimming up stream... but I won’t give up, I will tarry on keeping my eyes on Christ, consistently striving to know God. My life is messy, but it is my life hand picked by God Himself and with Him at my side I can... I can breathe through the rough times, I can feel peace when the waves hit, I can find lasting joy in my Savior, I can take a hammer to all the mirrors in my life... I am a Christian Hedonists!

What about you?

Philippians 2:21 "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."

And the hits just keep on coming!

2009-08-06T17:18:00.000-07:00

Phew, just when you think your heading towards a breathing period, boom something else comes up and ya just got to keep on keeping on! So much has happened, too much to post on, some little and some big! I'll give it a quick go...

* We lost Rachel to another job, so I am out nursing three days a week
* Abby's paperwork for school was not turned in on time (schools fault) so she is now registered at another school~ ARUGH
* Abby for two weeks now has had screaming bouts followed by big seizures
* Her medication has changed and she is now on the highest dose of Sabril which is costing us a fortune!
* We are working on riding her of three stubborn sty's
* She no longer tracts things, so I am not so sure she is able to see, at all.
* My back has lapsed back to being outta whack and will most likely get worse as I have big periods with no nursing and lifting Abb's is a must for her care
* To Rome and back ~ fantastic
* Over 1000 photos to edit and print and put together
* After 7.5 weeks of putting up my mom she finally found relief for her PFD issue
* To Durango and back ~ fun and tireing and ouch... my back!
* New found 7 extra pounds that won't go away!
* Hussle and bustle schools has started again ALREADY!
* Two boys in football, 2 different practice fields, 2 different game schedules
* New workout schedule in play to kick off these unwanted fat friends ~ I'm serious this time!
* Working on 4 websites to update for friends
* Working on my photography site to get it published and running
* Waiting for channel 9 news to finish interviews with docs so we can interview
* "Looking" for employment in North Carolina
* Cleaning house
* Paying bills
* Resolving medical claim issues
* Matt's moms cancer count has sky rocketed
* She is fighting bronchoitis which she got while in Rome
* Preparing meals 5 times a day for growing boys who are eating us out of house and home at 7 & 9!
* Trying to remain sane
* Had our pooch shaved and now she looks like a rat literaly ~ Matt can't stand the little black fur balls everywhere
* Trying to trust God and draw close through it all

But I still have my sense of humor and am just taking it all one day at a time!

How are you all doing?

Fun At Grandma's House

2009-07-29T09:22:00.000-07:00

The boys are having a blast! Abby is doing well and is a trooper for just sitting in her stroller to eat and laying down the rest of the time. I sure don't like all her equipment, but it really does come in handy for giving her other outlets to play and be in different positions. It's funny, I am so thankful for it now that it is not around for her to utilize! Her seizures have slowed a bit! I have a call into Dr. Devinsky for Friday to give him the update and then we get a new medicine dosage.

The last few days has been stormy here and there, so we are hoping to do some tubing down a stream sometime today. I love the smell of a good hard rain, but it does put a wee bit of a damper on being out doors and playing! Here are some photos of our time here. I am using my moms camera, can you believe I left mine behind! Oh well!

Grandma's House

A Little Piano Playing... "Mom. we gotta get one of these!"

Grandma's Fruit Trees... Ripe For Picking!

A Day At The Alpine Ski Lodge... Alpine Slide

Panning For Beautiful Rocks & Maybe Some Fools Gold!

Our Loot!

Durango Bound!

2009-07-26T17:58:00.000-07:00

Mom was set to go home yesterday and didn't quite make it. We headed off to the airport and her ticket was for the wrong date, but the flight number and time were correct, go figure.... we used Cheap Tickets and got a cheap deal! If she wanted to fly on the scheduled flight, there was one seat left and it would have cost her and additional $800.00!!!!!! That is criminal for an hour flight! She lost her $140.00 for this ticket, oh yeah she can use it as a "credit" towards a new ticket (good for one year), but will have to pay the airline fees of $210.00 to do so! So after much deliberation (said politely) with Cheap Tickets we headed home to try and purchase a new ticket, but then figured why not us all go! We will make it a last little vacation before school, so here we are!

Me, Abbs, the boys and Daisy May and Mom have all arrive safely! The boys have never seen grandmas place since it has been re-molded and with the orchard full of yellow and red cherries, apples and pears they are in hog heaven, running around, climbing trees and eating their fill!

I won't be doing much photo editing from here, so all of you waiting for Rome photo's will have to be a bit more patient. Thank you all for your sweet comments while I was away, I really appreciated it!

UPDATE ON ABBY
Because her seizure have increased and she is more sleepy than normal, we have a new dose of meds. Unfortunately they have upped her does of Sabril and are decreasing the Zonimade. The reason I say unfortunately is because we have to pay for the Sabril outta our pocket at $300.00 a month! Next week she will be using one sachet in the am and one in the pm. I believe there are 50 in a box which would make that $6.00 per sachet! I have heard a rumor that Sabril is in the works to be approved by the FDA soon, I can't hope it is soon enough! Other than that she has become extremely happy and giggly lately! She is more aware than before and just is happy for the most part. She has finally learned to wrap her legs around my waist when I hold her and that is very exciting!

One of the nurses mentioned that once she gets to 40lbs they will no longer be able to pick her up without a lift!!!! She is 35lbs now and I am not sure what that is all going to look like! GREAT another piece of ugly equipment in our home!.

Well, I had better go, Joey wants to play the piano! FUN.... :O)

Yes, We Are Home!

2009-07-22T16:18:00.000-07:00

O.k. being 40 and having jet lag is NOT a good combo! My body does not know which end is up and I am really struggling! I sure hope I am good to go come Saturday! I can't imagine being this outta it and caring for Abby at the same time! My mom is here and will be until Sat. or Sun. so we are busy with doctors appointments.

I have taken over 1000 photo's and because I am such a perfectionist it is going to take some time for me to get a slide show together! I will update on our incredible trip as soon as I can walk a straight line without drifting off to sleep! I am inhaling coffee by the boat loads just to function during the day!

Oh it is so good to be home and yet my heart longs to be back in Rome! By the by Abby did fantastic!!!!! Our reunion was sweet and full of tears, joyful ones!

Promise I will update soon with photos! Thanks for all your comments and prayers while we were gone! You all are the best!

I HAVE TO ENCOURAGE ALL OF YOU TO TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH AND TRAVEL IF YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY! IT IS SUCH A BLESSING ALL THE WAY AROUND!

TAM

More Photos!

2009-07-17T15:03:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is our last day here. I am sad, yet ready to come home... I miss my baby girl! I am journaling every night so I don't forget what we did, each day is so jam packed with stuff... I am sure to forget if I don't log it! Today is my baby boys birthday he is 7 and we celebrated much, what a joy it has been to be here and sing happy birthday and EVERYONE chimes in! Jacob turned 9 in London and we celebrated much too! These photo take forever to upload so I am only to put a few up... Will make a slide show when I come home. Quick prayer request, Matts mom is not doing well. We prayed with her tonight, she is very weak and has developed a cough in her lungs (not good) she is nervous for the flight home and that she will have the strength to do it. She has gotten out a little, but with the heat and humitiy, she can not stay out long nor walk very far. Please pray for strength and safety on the way home and peace for her heart!

Photo's From ROME!

2009-07-13T15:34:00.000-07:00

O.k. so jet lag just kicked in and I'm a little outta it. It is 12:45 in the morning so all I am able to focus on is putting some photos up... to tired to say much more than I am LOVING IT!!!!!! Sorry no descriptions... will do that when I get home!

a>

Bongiorno from ROME!

2009-07-13T00:03:00.000-07:00

I am just overwhelmed at the beauty here! This is just a feast for the eyes and as a photographer I am going nuts!!! The flavors of the food are like non other! A simple dish bursts with colors for the taste buds! A simple tomato, garden dirt fresh and taste SWEET! Who woulda thunk that food could be this fresh!

I wish I could send some photos now, and will try a little later tonight. We have seen the Colosseum, Trevi Fountain, The Wedding Cake, Trajans Forum, The Panthaeon and a multitude of other small winding streets, flowers and statues! We are off to see the Fourm this morning, and then to the Vataican and then possibly the Capuchin Crypt. The boys love the TINY autos! They are so cute! Oh and the Gelato! YUMMY!! I came a tubby and will return a chubby!

I miss my baby girl and have to admit that I brought one of her little blankets to sleep with each night. We have not been called... as they say, no news is good news. It was so difficult to leave, but now and am breathing easy and so enjoying this time with our family!

Fibs about Rome...

The weather in July is is the worst time to go! I love it here and it is not humid at all!

Rome is dirty! Quite the contrary!

Its hard to converse! People are so nice!

Pick Pocket's are all over! So far we have not been hit and no one is pushing and shoving nor looks suspicious!

That's all for now folks... its time to see the Forum! I will be back to update and possibly put up some photos! I forgot my password book so I can't post photos to my slide show, sorry!

Thinking of you All!!

(((Hugs from Rome)))

Were Off!

2009-07-10T05:46:00.000-07:00

We head out around 4pm and then there's no turning back. I think I have done everything possible to prepare for Abby, Daisy May and the house.
Am I excited? I am more nervous than anything... I don't think I will be excited until we reach London.

My sweet friend just let me borrow another one of Francine Rivers book called Redeeming Love that I wanted to read on the plane to keep my mind occupied, well I started last night and just couldn't put it down! All Francine Rivers book are so wonderful... if you have not already had the chance to read her series Mark of the Lion, oh man... your in for a treat and I HIGHLY recommend them, you wanna get lost, be challenged, whew go for it!

Today, I will do a little wash, get my nails done and walk around not knowing what to do. Vacation it's here now tonight...we have not had a vacation since Jacob was 3 and Joey was 1. Tomorrow Jacob turns 9 and on the 17th Joey turns 7! I hope relaxing is like riding a bike and that once I am there I will just remember how to do it and melt into it. The boys are excited to celebrate these blessed events in Rome! Besides the Italians, what little boys can say they went to Rome for their Birthdays!

Here is the last photos I will post of Abby, until we get back. She loves her walker and will now "kinda" try and drag her legs to the front when you say, "step!" She is getting so big! On a side note, her seizures have increased! Not sure if I mentioned this in an earlier post, yesterday the doctor increased the Sabril dose this time and of course this all has to take place right before we go!

The other night I heard her fidgeting so I went to see what was going on and I saw her seize. I sat down with her and held her.... she seized 8 times in a row with about 4-6 seconds in between each one. Her eyes were glossy and looking all over the place. She was not in any pain... I would talk to her and she would respond with a smile, then she squirmed and wanted to lay down so I covered her up, she began to suck her thumb and fell asleep. I of course was the vigilant momma just staring and brushing her sweet cheeks, looking at her fingers and watching her sleeping peacfully.

Oh Lord why do you allow things to happen before I'm ganna leave my baby? Is it so I continue to come to your feet in prayer? I will regardless, but now with her seizures rising I am really going to have to trust You and not just with my words, but with my heart and soul. Why did You make the heart hurt so for a momma that is going to say, "good by". Only You know whether I will return or not, only You know whether this kiss and hug will be the last or just one more that will be added to the million more that will come. Only You know if she will hear my voice again on earth or heaven.... Oh why is it that our thoughts are so focused with our own mortality as we prepare to depart from these little blessings You've given us!

This should be a time of excitment for me... I have always longed to go to Rome, You have prepared the way and my heart is broken, I would love to hear Your voice and have you touch my heart & clam the waves that pound within. It's not that I do not trust that You are in control, that You will love Abby through all these wonderful people that You provided to care for her... it's the what if's and now that I think of them, maybe they are road blocks I am putting up to try and somehow control the uncontrollable and in the same token they are preventing my heart from complete trust in You. I just need to give them up completely, knock them over... help me to do this, help me to let go and find joy in fully trusting in You, forgive me for my wavering heart Lord. thank you for all my sweet friends out there in the blogging world that are dedicated in praying for my little angel!

Frustration & A Break Down

2009-07-08T06:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a good day. We had Abigail's training, with all the wonderful people that volunteered to watch her while we are away. The group broke up into 3 groups and they rotated from one station to the next absorbing all the "How To's" on Abby's. We had a beautiful lunch together prepared by two very sweet friends, the fellowship was great and then after everyone left....

I realized that I had left out some critical information about Abby's seizures, like what they look like, how often she has em and what to do and if she has them longer than 5 min. Diastat needs to be administered and how this is done and when to call the doctor and when to call the paramedics and what hospital to go to and where it is and don't forget the diaper bag with her seizure meds, food, bags and pump and insurance cards located here, bla, bla, bla!!!!!

HOW COULD I FORGET THE MOST IMPORTANT THING!!!!

Oh I think I am loosing it with all that has to be done to prepare for this. I was up until midnight trying to fix my massive error type up a new sheet and get it pasted all over the house as an F.Y.I. and thinking and re-thinking of what else I've forgotten!

My nurse yesterday said, "Ya know Tamara... I think God is going to use all this preparing and organization in your life one day." What, no, no I said, "I have been preparing and organizing all my life for this very moment!" Don't get me wrong I love to plan and organize and be organized, but this tops it all!

I finally broke down last night, for the 1st time I ALLOWED myself to let it all out and FEEL the reality that I am leaving my baby girl behind. I know its good, and will be o.k., but as a momma of a disabled child there is a deeper depth that gets ripped to the core! I am so thankful that our good friends will be here to send us off and be with Abbs that first night. I am going to be an absolute mess and I will be o.k. crying with them near.

So look... I can't even talk about it without these blasted tears errupting!!!!

Clarification...

2009-07-05T07:11:00.000-07:00

Some have made a few comments about how happy they are to see Abby sitting so well.
~ I must share that it was SO tricky to get these shots! ~

I was balancing my camera on one knee while holding her shoulder with my other hand trying to get her to "look up, Abby, SMILE", stay in focus and shoot right as I let go of her and quickly grab her again before she'd fall face down!
This was done over & over again to get at least 2 in focus.... PHEW!

I have to say on her behalf that she does sit very well on her own, but only with her AFO's on and only for 3-5 seconds and then she becomes The Leaning Tower of Pisa, giggles and veeerrrrooooommmmm, CRASH!
I think she thinks its a game & we love playing this game on the soft carpet.
The AFO's offer support for her to push up against, but those cute little Keen's... well not so much!

So, lets give due "wowment" where it's due and that be for me....
sweating bullets trying to get that shot! ;O) LOL!
Although, I must say it is VERY COOL to see her sitting with no strings attached in a photo where time stands still!

Regarding your other questions. Yes, I did make a power point for those watching Abbs so they could refer back to her care.
Here is a few shots from it.
These photos went into the Power Point with specific directions.

I HAVE ALSO...

*Created a chart for her care...

*Typed a 5 page document of her medical history facts with doctors names, address and phone #'s. Dates of all procedures and hospital visits.

*Created a Medical Power of Attorney.
For the most part you can get a partial one for free then they want you to buy something.
Well after much research and using my free "Google Degree",
I now own a completed copy!
(if you need a copy of this, let me know!)

*Emergency Contact list

*Emergency Plan

*Created a completed monthly supply ordering sheet

*Organized a quick view list of all her doctors or anyone that has anything to do with her care

* I have also created docs for her care: bathing, bed time, equipment, feeds, meds, morning, afternoon & evening moods: how to react. Her cries and what they mean, what her seizures look like, what to expect and how to react, etc. When you think of it, it becomes a step by step for someone coming in brand new not knowing anything of her care. Lets face it our little ones are no walk in the park when it comes to ease and taking care of them!
THIS IS DETAILED STUFF!

When preparing for this leave from my Schmabadoozie, I have to think realistically and have at the back of my mind, there is a possibility that we may not come back, God forbid, but lets face it when it's our time, its our time.

Its a yucky thing to hash over and rips my emotional gut up, but I have to be responsible and make sure all areas are taken care of, that my t and i's are crossed and dotted.

This whole process was not fun and I still have a few things to tie up, but when it's all said and done, I will be able to leave with full peace that I did everything I could think possible and know that I am leaving her in good hands and that those hands are overly well informed!

Above and beyond, God is in control and that leaves me with a breath of fresh peace and comfort! He is SO Good! Also, the caretakers that have offered are wonderful and this whole sceduling fell into place. I just know her caretakers were hand picked by God Himself and this is SOOOO re-assuring for my soul!

Again, if anyone is looking to take off soon for some much needed R&R and need some advice on how to wrestle the monster task of preparing, please e-mail me at hislittlelambs@mns.com and I would be more than willing to share all that I have done and even help research or create forms you may need! Well, I am off for now.... Don't forget to check out my new mini album that I will adding photos to of our trip in real time! I hope it works, but if not.... well you can all expect an awesome slide show when we return!

Thanks for all your comments!!!!

Here We Go Loop-Tee-Luu....

2009-07-01T16:50:00.000-07:00

Wow, its amazing how quickly how things change around here! We have been busy with all the regular stuff, and I just got hit with a boat load of great news!

First, we had a change in our medical plan and turns out what I thought was going to be a major catastrophe... ended up being the best blessing of all! Abby had almost used most of her $1M cap and I think I shared that Atena was now dictating where her monies would be allocated too! AHHH the audacity! Well, Matt's company pulled the o'l switch-a-roo and her $1M cap starts all over again with this new company... Praise The Lord!!!

We had to quit school back in January when Atena declined PDN. In order to go to school and receive therapies she HAS to have her nurse with her. Medicaid stepped up and allowed for 3 visits back to back per day for nursing, but they are not allowed to leave the house, thus no school and no therapies.

Here is the good part, being that we got new insurance I started the ball rolling for PDN through them. I informed PSA "Pediatric Services of America" of our new insurance and we were all hopeful that they would without a doubt provide PDN for her. The next day I got a call from PSA, and she informed me that they did a new acuity scale and assessment on Abby, re-submitted all this to MEDICAID, they came back with APPROVED PDN 14 FOR HOURS A DAY!!!!! WHAT??? I SAID, I thought our new insurance was going to be paying for this, but hey... Medicaid is even better because now her new cap won't be touched by this! We will not be using all 14 hours a day, we will just go back to our normal shift of 8-5:30 M-F. Oh what a blessing this is!!! Now Abb's can attend school in August and get her therapies and start going to hippo therapy again!!!! Next I am working on a new seating system from Lecky called the Mygo and finding a crash tested base so she can ride the school bus and be safe!

The other good part is that Adam Chodak from Channel 9 News and I have been talking back and forth and he is working hard on talking with all sorts of doctors, specialists and providers. He is waiting on a one person to contact him back and then he and I will meet for an interview! I just hope it is before we leave next Friday! He is so driven on this story and I just love his passion to dig deeper and find out what is going on! I can't wait to meet him and will let you know when we do and what happens!

I am almost done with preparing for our leave regarding Abbs. I have put a PowerPoint together for our training on Tuesday and think I have everything else set. Boy it's a lot of work!!! If ANYONE needs tips on what to do and how, just give me a hollar... I think I've got it down!

I just came back from Vail for a pre-wedding consultation and oh if you have not been there, GO! It's so beautiful and I can not believe the beauty up there!!! Here are a few photos from this trip and also some of Abby, enjoy!

Thanks to all that have left me comments!!!!

How cute is this, Grandma Jona bought Abb's some Keens!

"Oh booooy we ganna painta caddipiller! Umm whaz that adin?"

"Hmmm dis is intawrestng..."

"Don't touch! I do it meself!"

"hey... was dis thingy?"

"Ahaaa the paint'n thingy... I found it!"

"jus wht I thot.. gween is petty on me!"

"hey herd tat pilliy tingy adin... I downt wike it!"

"oooo maybe ya spsto eatd it!"

"yup me sure youd spsto eatd it!"

"ummmm gween pattypiller goood!"

"okkie mommy, wat you'd tink?"

"ohhh I don't tink momma wik me in gween too mutch!"

"But i tink it funny!"

Nothin To Report

2009-06-29T05:29:00.000-07:00

Photo of the mountains on my walk a few days ago.

My life, yet crazy busy is boring right now, so there is nothing to report. I don't think many people stop by my blog anymore, so I guess the timing is good and works well. I very well could be writing this to no one, but if one reader just checks in this is for you.

My mother in law has been out and we have been busy spending time together with the kids. We are looking forward to our time together in Rome and thats pretty much all we talk and shop about.

I am not excited about leaving Abby, no matter how hard I try and be strong I always crumble. Lately I can not get enough of her, its been so fun pretty much giving all my attention to her and not wanting any help from anyone! Selfish I know, but I must plaster her with hugs and kisses before I go.

I have not heard from Channel 9 News. I did get an e-mail saying that something has come up and the story would have to be postponed until next week. Then that night we hear of Michael Jackson and I looked at my husband and said, "See this is why I my face is not all over the T.V! Michael Jackson took my spot light!" Joking of course! Poor man, I hope he somewhere somehow knew the Lord.

Abby is doing well. Seizures are still here and nothing has changed with their duration or amount. She however has been more giggly lately. She has decided to all the sudden turn over in her bouncer! I was amazed to see her do this with my own eyes. She is getting so strong, my little angel. When on the floor she is bringing her legs under her chest, but does not have the upper body strength to push up with her arms and chest to come up. This would be so wonderful if she could try and crawl or just get up on all 4! I will try and get a photo or two of her doing these, wonderful to see!

See boring.. nothing to report.... feel like I am thinking of stuff just to put up a new post. So I will stop now.

Oh here are a few photos of my boy, my little hero in baseball!

TTFN

Your Voice Can Be Heard!

2009-06-23T16:08:00.000-07:00

We ordered special socks for Abby's AFO's, received them and a few days later got a bill in the mail. I was outraged at the cost of these socks and e-mailed Channel 9 News to see if there was any way they could help expose this criminal act of over charging!!!! Here is my e-mail to them.....

To: newstips@9news.com
I just thought I would share my outrage with Orthotic Prosthetic Solution, L.L.C. located in Fort Collins, CO at 1015 Robertson Street, Phone 970.484.8388.
My daughter is disabled and requires multiple medical needs. I am thankful that we have insurance and Medicaid to help cushion the blow on the cost of hospital bills, equipment, medication, therapies and supplies.

One item that my daughter needs are AFO's (ankle-foot orthosis). Having these she needs socks that do not have seams in them due to pressure points. These were ordered from Children's Hospital through Orthotic Prosthetic Solution, L.L.C. We received 3 pairs of socks shortly there after and a few days later received a request to sign and return the delivery ticket so that Orthotic Prosthetic Solution, L.L.C. could start the billing process. I was SHOCKED to see on the 3rd page that the total due for these 3 pair of SOCKS was $310.74!!!!!!!

Thats a whopping, $103.58 PER PAIR and $51.79 PER SOCK! These are just TUBE socks and nothing more!!!! Had I known I would not have requested them!

Who in Gods name charges $51.79 dollars for A sock?????? THIS IS OUTRAGES AND CRIMINAL!!!!! NO WONDER WE HAVE SO MANY ISSUES WITH INSURANCE DENIALS AND CLAIMS! Having a disabled child is tuff enough without getting punched in the gut with outrageous prices like this.

ONE WOULD SAMIZE THAT IF A CHILD IS DISABLED THAT THERE ARE GOING TO BE AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF COSTS THAT COME WITH IT, BUT FOR COMPANIES LIKE Orthotic Prosthetic Solution, L.L.C TO STICK IT TO PARENTS AND INSURANCES COMPANIES JUST BECAUSE AN ITEM IS NEEDED IS PREPOSTEROUS!!!!!!

WE ARE MAKING A CAR PAYMENT FOR 3 PAIRS OF SOCKS!!!! Who in their right mind can financially do this in the times we are living. Even so who in their right mind would do this in a good economy!

THIS COMPANY SHOULD BE CALLED OUT ON THEIR PRICES AND HOW THEY ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE DISABLED!!!!!!

Your help in getting this out would be fantastic! Please advise if this is possible.

Sincerely,

Tamara Cochran
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense
but trust Him for His grace
behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face

I just got this response today!!!!

Hi Tamara,

Thank you so much for the email. I’m so sorry you have to go through all of this. I’d very much like to the suggest the story for coverage this week. Are you available during the day time? Thanks again.

Adam Chodak
9News Reporter
Northern Information Center
970.218.5530

I am yelling "WAHOOO!!!!!!" I hope this happens and this company is exposed!!!!!! I hope this encourages you to Stand Up and Let Your Voice Be Heard!!!!!

I will keep you posted on what happens next!!!! I am going to reference this post on my blog to Mr. Chodak, so if you have any thoughts on this topic, please leave a comment and hopefully "OUR" voices TOGETHER will make a difference!!!

Tam

The Shadow Draws Near

2009-06-22T11:15:00.000-07:00

This past month I have been pushing aside the unwanted task of preparing for our trip. Well, we are pretty much packed with all our necessities, but the part I am talking of is the preparation for Abby. When you leave your child behind there is so much that has to be done! Really you ask, well yeah because lets face, it I am not just dropping my "sound" child off at a relatives for the weekend and only need to pack a suit case and worry if I packed enough underpants.

I am preparing (physically, mentally and emotionally) to LEAVE my disabled child which requires...

1. One power of medical attorney, drawn up, signed and notarized, Oh and finding those that we trust to take on this roll
Many alterations to our will
2. Alerting "all" doctors of our leave of absence and notifying them of who is in charge
3. Putting a plan in place for daily cares
4. Requesting help from people I trust and that trust they are comfortable enough to watch her
5. A training session to train those who are gracious to be available to watch her
6. Requesting back-ups and back-ups to those back-up just in case something does not go as planned
7. Preparing multiple spreadsheets which detail bathing, sleeping, moods, feeds, medications, equipment, emergency plans, etc!
8. Making sure I am well stocked, food, medicine, toiletries, g-tube stuff, supplies and clothes
9. Not to mention consistently worrying if I am forgetting something!

Then there is the emotional sting that seems to rear it's ugly head when I put her to bed or am just holding her. I DO trust that God is in control and He will indeed take care of her, but what if this is one of the last times I get to hold her, what else can I sing or read to her so she does not forget my voice... Thinking of her crying and me not being able to console her just rips me into another world! Oh I could go on and on with all this and my heart does at night when I can't sleep.

I know it will all be o.k., but I am having a hard time finding joy in wanting to leave on this once in a life time vacation and not wanting to leave Abby. Its not like if something goes wrong I can just hop on a plane and be there for her in a few hours... I will be out of the country!!!!!

Oh we are so blessed to have this opportunity to go, but as a mother, my heart is torn.... Everyday that ticker moves to one day closer and the adrenalin shoots down my legs and permeates my chest.

Sorry to bla, bla, bla in this post... I just had to let it out, out there in blogger world where my words are heard and understood.

It Is More Blessed To Give

2009-06-17T16:48:00.000-07:00

"Love is the overflow of joy from God that meets the needs of others."

"White Pionies from a very dear friends garden"

I wish blogger had smell!!! Can you see Gods beauty here... I sure can!

Boy what a wonderful week this has been. God has provided many opportunities for me to give & to be a servant! Giving of ourselves is such a blessed place to be. I have known this joy from time to time, but this week has just been so joyful and wonderful! These special moments I partook in are special between God and myself, but I just had to share the sweetness of joy from the Spirit as He blew my way!

As we walk with the Lord some experiences sting, some scorch others make us giggle and others we sing praise of pure joy! Every moment with Jesus is sweet, every valley provides opportunity for growth and on the mountain tops we awe in His majesty and can say we have experienced His grace.

Oh Father I can not wait to be in your presence, to see your face and bask in Your glory, praising and singing with inexpressible joy! Thank you for these opportunities to partake in Your Goodness! For You alone are worthy!

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace." Eccl. 3

SLIP'N~SLIDE ANYONE?

2009-06-12T14:52:00.000-07:00

How Great Thou Art!

2009-06-09T05:51:00.000-07:00

I love the old Hymns... Something about them just takes me back to being 8 and sitting next to my Grandma (now past on)... I can still hear her harmony as I would stand in the shadow this mighty oak, watching her intently as she praised our God!

I woke up this morning humming this tune and realize I didn't know the words, just the melody. After reading through these simple, yet powerful words my soul could not help but erupt a few tears and that friend "Mr. Lump" would occasionally arrive as my voice trembled trying to get them out.

If you have a moment, take some time to slowly read through this hymn, savor the words as you let them melt on your heart. This time of year we hear thunder, smell the sweet rain and see Gods beautiful work in the green mountains and at night the stars are well... heavenly and being that I love to awe at Gods handiwork... this song has a whole new meaning to me.

If you don't dare sing out loud.... Take a listen to the music video below it is awesome!
(yup I'm a little partial to Alan Jackson) :O)

O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!
When through the woods, and forest glades I wander,
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.
When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur
And see the brook, and feel the gentle breeze.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,

How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!
And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!
When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

AFO's, Shoes and Socks

2009-06-07T06:31:00.000-07:00

Here ya go Hope. If you have any other questions ask, I'd love to help out if I can, I'm pretty good at research'n stuff! :O)

Little Miss Annabel

2009-06-07T06:06:00.000-07:00

This sweet little one is out of surgery and trying to re-coup. Please visit HERE to get current updates on her. Thank you all for your continued prayers. How wonderful it is that we can come together kneel at His throne and petition for our sweet Annabel.

Blessing to you all!

Miss Annabel & Surgery

2009-06-03T06:19:00.001-07:00

"Scheduled for June 4th. She will be admitted on June 3rd to prep her bowel. We are so fortunate that her new urologist and the surgeon operating on her bowel have agreed to work together and we both available. She will now only have to be sedated one time and the dilation is a small procedure but would cause her discomfort, so since she will having pain medicine for the bowel this can be covered also. Getting this call today was an answered prayer. I feel very much at peace with what will be happening. Daily as I watch Annabel and her belly take on a life of its own, I am more convinced that this needs to take place. God's timing for this I am grateful."

I will post more as I know updates. Please keep this sweet family in your thoughts and prayers today and tomorrow. Surgery for our little ones is never easy, that last hug and kiss before they whisk them off tears at the heart. Please lift Kathy up and pray for Gods comfort and loving arms to surround her tomorrow.

Thanks friends...

The Differences and Similarities of Abby and Boo

2009-06-02T17:55:00.000-07:00

Difference... They both tilt their head the opposite way

Similar... They both are not in their rooms

Similarity... They both get sleepy at 8:00pm

Similarity... They both smile BIG before they conk out

Difference... Boo's afraid of the closets and Abby sleeps in it!

Yes can you believe that my daughter prefers the closet in her blow-up pool instead of her bed! We started this routene when my mom came. Grandma slept in Abbs bed because she could not do the stairs. She frumpted a bit at 1st, but now she will not sleep in her bed! She will cry and get really mad... I get her she immediatly smiles as she knows the feeling of going up the stairs and once in her "pool" she rolls to her side, chomps/sucks on her thumb and goes to sleep! I think she likes it becasue she can smell us in there and it's really dark and quiet! She no longer gets up in the night, but sleeps through and sleeps until 7:00ish! Too Funny!!!

Just A little Color

2009-06-02T16:31:00.001-07:00

Alicia and Gavin,

I am proud to tell ya that you've inspired me to do some "color enhancement" around our home outside. Here are my attempts at beautifying our home and getting in the dirt to plant... of course these are close-ups, but know they are in the ground... my back will testify to this!

I also got gutsy and planted gigantic pumpkin seeds which I am proud to mention have actually sprouted. We will see how far they will get and I will be astonished if we get anything orange! Time will tell as both my thumbs have no shade of green in them!

After 6 hours of tending to my landscaping, Abbs did good in the back of my van... (yes of course I fed and changed her!) She was so happy back there just kick'n it and listing to music! If you have a van with a deep pocket like this one and have those grocery bag hooks, put a soft rug down, hang some toys, turn up the tunes and enjoy your time outside! Only works if your little one can't sit and crawl... I guess this is some sorta weird blessing for me, but hey I'll take it, I truly did enjoyed my time digging in the dirt listing to the cracking of thunder rolling over head!

Still here, just busy, busy!

2009-05-28T05:51:00.000-07:00

Hi All, just a quick note to let everyone know I have not dropped off the earth. My mom is still here and will be until June 11th. I'm not sure if I ever told you about her situation... in a nutshell... she lives in Durango and has exhausted all her resources there in trying to figure out where her extreme pain is coming from.

Being that I don't have a $65,000.00 degree, I used Google to research her symptoms and told her she most likely has Pelvic Floor Dysfunction. No one there knew what that was down there nor what Prolotherapy was which is commonly used to treat it (among other avenues), but this therapy get the source of the problem and not the symptoms! So she is here now and has been seen by a pelvic specialists who diagnosed her with guess what.... Pelvic Floor Dysfunction!!! Geesh do I feel SMART, AND... I didn't even have to pay one penny for my degree! Now I am living "Driving Miss Daisy" as I am shuttling her here and there for all these appointment we have scheduled. On top of Abbs appointment and mine, I am getting my fill of driving time in for sure!

Abbs is fine, this last two days she has giggled more than I have ever seen her, its wonderful!!! Her seizures are still not under control even with this higher dose of meds. I have not had time to "research" a neurologists here in Denver, but plan on it. She is over the diaper rash and everything else, thus the giggles I think... she is feeling much better, thanks for the prayers!!!!

Me, I am hanging in there, staying a float by chugging a way on TEA and not coffee, because I can't drink it anymore, some lumps were found at a doctors appointment and she figured caffeine was the culprit, so if I don't wanna have a "painful" mammogram I should not drink it! I quickly retorted, "Do you have a shot you can give me to calm the irritated person I will become without it?"

Painless mammogram.... who does she think she is? I am not dumb, I've seen all the cartoon cards, and whatnot that share just how PAINFUL it really is! It took me 5 years to get the courage for my last appointment so this appointment, I am not going to skip happily there, but will drag my feet with much hesitation, reservation and fear, not to mention I might snip at a nurse or two!

SEE DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN????

O.k. enough. I'm off to have some quiet time before the kids get up, have a wonderful day all...

All Test Results Are In

2009-05-19T06:26:00.000-07:00

Abby white blood count was 2580 which meant she had serious infection. As mentioned she does have a kidney infection, but she also had, "many, many strings of E-Coli in her urine", yikes and she has the Rhino virus! Poor little shuger!!!! No wonder she was a frumpy monkey! Not to mention these irritating sti's that won't go away on her left eye. Now that they have upped her seizure meds once again and she is on an antibiotic 3 times a day it has given her a mean dose of diarrhea and horrible diaper rash! When it rains it poors!

Thankfully she is acting like she is feeling o.k., but she is sleeping all the time and just wants to be held. Thanks for all your continued prayers I am super thankful for all of them!

Were Home!

2009-05-15T21:46:00.000-07:00

I am so sorry for trailing off so quickly on the last post! Right when I was typing my doc was leaving a message to come and we were off! Thank you all for your prayers!

Just like the "squeaky wheel" Abby followed suit! We got in the car "packed for a week".... you just never know... and Badda-Boom, Badda-Bing... the drooling & seizures stop! Just like that, as if it was written in the script!

So once on the freeway I begin to doubt why I am going, am I doing the right thing, is this worth going through, what kinda of a mother am I pushing my other kids off on our neighbors, dragging my mom along when she is in pain (another post, too tired) and Abby, well she's all better now, so who's the crazy one???

Well we arrive and as soon as I reach in to get her out, she starts to retch and drool again. O.K. so maybe I was a little harsh on myself earlier, but what do you expect... no sleep the night before, laying on the hard ground all night night nursing my sweet girl. So I'm a little grumpy and in deep need of some chocolate and Starbucks!

She is re-admitted, we see a new doc and he says that the drooling is caused by her nissen, not allowing a full throw-up due to the pyelonephritis i.e., kidney infection which causes server nausea!

"Well, shoot howdy! How come we didn't get told that the 1st time? I'd of been a lot more RELAXED!!!!!"

So we stay for some hours sitting in the dark, listening to sad cries echo through the halls, whispering wonderful memories of my grandma while watching the clock tick as my eyes get heavier and heavier!

The release arrives and we are outta there. Now home, she is sleeping soundly upstairs and I can't type anymore... the screen is blurring and I'm zoning out... Sleep I crave sleep!

Heres a shot of Abbs... I don't usually take photo's in the hospital... Don't want the memories, but she looks so peaceful and ... it turned out alright, SO FAR.........

Again, I am so thankful for your prayers, THANK YOU SWEET FRIENDS! Will keep you posted if any changes arrive with the wee hours and the break of day. Tam

Back to the ER

2009-05-15T16:55:00.000-07:00

Hi all, If you would please pray for little Abbs. Late last night she had a fever of 103.7 and we ended up in the ER all day today with grueling abrasive tests and found out she has a urinary track infection and pyelonephritis. She was give two very painful injections in her legs and since we have come home she is retching on this non-stop drool!!! I've called NY to speak to the on call neurologists and she suggests that she go back, in case her throat should close up or tongue swell... She also increased her seizure meds due to the huge increase of seizures she is having. The doc at the ER called and said that this is not an allergic reaction from the shots she got and is stumped and also thinks we might be better off at the hospital. I am waiting for a call and then we will make our dec... ohhh gotta go... Abbs eeds to get back to the er, please prauy!

My Child Without Limits

2009-05-13T06:43:00.000-07:00

I just found this web page called My Child Without Limits. It is wonderful, insightful and full of increadible information to help understand; Developmental Milestones, Developmental Delays, Autism, Cerebral Palsy, Down Syndrome, Epilepsy, Hearing Loss, Muscular Dystrophy, Prematurity, Rett Syndrome, Spina Bifita and Vision Loss.

This site is so user friendly and easy to read... like an old friend coming along side ya! There are 4 blue tabs at the top; Understand, Plan, Act and Community which are chock full of great stuff!

(Only a parent with a child with disabilities would say this!)

There is also a resources tab, quick links for treatments and therapies, caregiver notebook, travel tips... etc, etc...!!!!

I Kinda feel like I just found a Christmas present behind a chair!

I hope you will look into it if it fits your needs! Pass it along to someone ya know that could benefit from it!

100 Days Of Change For Our Families

2009-05-12T06:04:00.000-07:00

Abby Got To Meet Marissa!

2009-05-11T06:37:00.001-07:00

Thank you sweet baby dolls for posing together, what a sweet little meeting!

Conversation Without Communication

2009-04-29T02:33:00.000-07:00

Its 3:30 a.m. and once again I can't sleep! I've been tossing and turning in bed and just gave in, got up and here I am. For the last few weeks I have been wrestling with somethings that I have been learning while going through this study, “When I Don't Desire God”, by John Piper. Well actually there are a few things, well really there are... Arugh... have you ever felt as though you had so much to say and its all in there, cause you can't turn your mind off and the thoughts are zooming this way and that at 200 miles per hour and if it were possible that your head could explode... it would??? Hi there, this is ME!!!

One thing that I gets me so frustrated is that while I'm muling things over, chewing on, studying and researching these things, the one that I need most to hear from is God and it's always a one sided conversation. Are you like me in that you scream in your heart, "WHERE ARE YOU? CAN YOU HEAR ME? CAN YOU PLEASE JUST SPEAK TO ME, I WANT TO HEAR YOUR VOICE..." Oh to hear His voice... I'd probably shutter, fall to my knees & drop a terd if I did!

In a book called; “A Godward Life”, also by Piper, there is a small chapter on, “What is Communion with God” ~ Wisdom from John Owen and in this he talks of Hebrews 10:22 “Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith.” He says, "The old Puritans called this drawing near "communication" with God. Communion with God was a great thing to them and today is a comparatively small thing. The Puritans were concerned about communion with God in a way we are not. The measure of our unconcern is the little that we say about it. When Christians meet, they talk to each other about their Christian work and Christian interests, their Christian acquaintances, the state of the churches and the problems of theology - but rarely of their daily experience of God. According to J.I. Packer, the greatest of the Puritans was John Owen. In a letter Mr. Owen wrote in 1674 he said to a friend, "Christ is our best friend and ere long will be our only friend. I pray with all my heart that I may be weary of everything else but converse and communion with Him."

I agree with this whole heartedly but my frustration still exist. Honestly it's not all the time, really only when I am trying so hard to understand His truths within my finite mind and there in-lies the problem... eddy-bitty mind -vs- infinite all powerful God.

O.k. So.. I know this post is long, but I would love your input and thoughts on this. I just recently sent an e-mail to John Piper asking the following...

“Reading through your book, “When I don’t desire God ~ How to Fight for Joy” I am struggling with... how man, once saved does not become a puppet? If there is NOTHING good that can come from me, but that which God ordains... how then can I fight for something which is good & commanded of me... Micah 6:8: Do justice, to love kindness, walk humbly with God, Ephesians 4: Compassion, humble gentle; patient, bearing in love towards one another, Psalms 100: Gratitude, 1 Peter 1:13: Self controlled & Hope, James 1:2: Joy, etc., etc. Even the act of “fighting for good” itself can only come from God Himself in the 1st place? Philippians 2:13: “for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.”

I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good, Psalm 34.8... I desire to be in that place all the time, yet even that desire is not of me, but comes from Him alone! Even my best is as filthy rags, Isaiah 64:6. How then am I not a regenerated spiritual puppet for Christ? Of course, I’d rather be this than a lost soul “puppet” in bondage that returns to his vomit, Proverbs 26:11.

In the Westminster Confession of Faith, chapter IX section IV it says, “When God converts a sinner, and translates him into the state of grace, he frees him from his natural bondage under sin; and, by His grace alone, enables him freely to will and to do that which is spiritually good; yet so, as that by reason of his remaining corruption, he does not perfectly, or only, will that which is good, but does also will that which is evil.”

Now, that’s a mouthful and trying to chew on that alone is a bit more than this simple minded child can handle, but the one part that rubs me the wrong way is... “enables him freely to will...” WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?? Freely and Will are opposites! You are either free (1 not under the control or in the power of another; able to act or be done as one wishes| a free choice. or put into submission (1 the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.) to will something, right? Again I insert Philippians 2:13 “for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.”

I wish you could see the perplexed look on my face right now and the twists in my heart as I can not GET THIS! I love this book and man oh man it is really boosting me into a place that is challenging me as I work out my salvation, Philippians 2:12: “Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling...”. I would appreciate anything you can offer in regards to this, Thank You Tamara”

So do you have any input? I know God is faithful and will either reveal this to me or will cause my restlessness with this to be at peace. God has many mysterious ways about Him and many I will never fully understand or even begin to scratch the surface of their insurmountable layers. He is Good, He is my Savior, I fully trust Him and love His so... this has not changed for me no matter the outcome of my wrestling with this! Though it be confusing and down right irritating sometimes not to get the answers as quickly as I’d like or even maybe at all, I must admit, studying and trying to understand His ways is fun!

Sleepy Girl!

2009-04-27T15:11:00.000-07:00

Ups & Downs In Abby's Life

2009-04-24T14:36:00.000-07:00

I am so excited to report that Abbs got her new Kid Walk yesterday! We were all so excited, that is me the kids and her therapists. Abby liked it and had fun just hanging out in it for about 25 min. and then that was enough.

Our sweet nurse, Rachel and I were excited to put her in it today, so after a bath we plopped her in and all the sudden these frustrating cries began. Then after about 7 min. she began to scream as if something was wrong or hurting her. I took her out and held her tight and she started to calm down but as I was taking her shoes and socks off this is what we saw!

Her little legs were so hot to the touch! We called our pediatrician and they said to come in right away. We thought that it could be seizure related due to her having 5 seizures in 3 hours time so I put a call into Devinsky's nurse. When we spoke she immediately told me to skip the pediatrician and go straight to the ER because it could be a virus and that could be causing the flux in seizures. I just took her to our doctor and he said she looked healthy and was glad to see the photo's of the redness, but that he was stumped and there was nothing he could do. He consulted with NY and they have upped her medication to try and stop the seizures, but that's it. Guess there is nothing to do for a virus, IF that is what she has.

Since we have been home Abby has been REALLY GRUMPY!!!! Rachel put her back in the walker and she was doing fine for about 3 min.

and then she started to fuss and cry. I looked at her legs and AGAIN these purple and orange spots were all over her legs!!! I am at a loss, the doctors don't know anything!! I have a call into her PT and our physician at the department of rehabilitation to see if they can give me any answers, now I just wait...

Has anyone else dealt with this with their child??? I don't know what to think and am so confused... Where does one go to get answers when the ones that are suposto know don't and your child can not communicate to you how they are feeling or what they are experiencing??? Ohhh how I don't like these ups and downs!!! I am blind walking through a maze!

Trust in the LORD.... in all things... The creator of the UNIVERSE can handle these little red, orange and purple legs... I just have to TRUST and deal with Miss. Grumpy!

PRAYER FOR ANNABEL AGAIN PLEASE!!!!

2009-04-23T09:15:00.000-07:00

Just when we thought that hospital beds were over with... as of last night Annabel ended up back in the emergency room. Her heart rate was over 200 and she had started to turn color around her mouth so mom called 911. She was in severe pain for about an hour then, after throwing up in the ambulance, she was fast asleep as if nothing happened. In the ER, they x-rayed her stomach and believe that there is a possible obstruction. Texas Childrens Hospital in Houston was contacted so that she can be transferred to where her doctors are, but there are no rooms available so she is ICU here in Beaumont (they are moving her to a floor room soon). It appears that she needs to have the surgery on her bowel sooner than they thought. The doctors are saying that until she is off of the antibiotics for C-diff then surgery isn't an option. I believe this to be good news in the fact that hopefully Annabel can stay in the hospital here in Beaumont until she is done with the antibiotics instead of being so far away in Houston. As of now, she is resting a lot and seems to be doing ok. I appreciate all the prayers that have gotten Annabel through to today and know that the man upstairs has a plan that will all work out in the end.
Thanks,
Tara

PLEASE KEEP THIS FAMILY IN YOUR PRAYERS!!!! IF YOU FEEL LED, PLEASE POST ON YOUR BLOG SO OTHERS MAY BE LEAD TO PRAY FOR THEM AS WELL! THANK YOU, TAMARA

CREATIVE NEW TOY

2009-04-21T17:58:00.000-07:00

Having a child with disabilities I am always thinking of new ways to entertain her. Sitting in a stroller or laying in bed or the bouncy chair, having sitting time in the squiggles chair or stander seem to be a lot of change throughout the day, but when these are the only options after 3 years I can see how this would be boring!!!! I hear it in her frustrating cries and it tears at my heart so I'm always racking my brain for other fun ideas that would stimulate her and keep her occupied.

I love this $9.00 indoor pool and she loves it too! It's boundaries are soft and she can touch, slap or kick em'. Filled with toys she loves she is entertained for hours. The toy rack that I made is being modified and I will take another photo of what I have created to work with this new item.

What ideas have you come up with, please share... I would love to hear them!

COLORADO SPRING... "Oh, WHAT A JOY!"

2009-04-17T18:04:00.001-07:00

Can I just say how sick I am of this weather!!!!! ENOUGH ALREADY!!! My poor Aspen tree... just started to bloom and it was looking so sweet and GREEN!!!! Now look at it! The new buds are FROZEN! ARUGHHHHHH!!!!!! The only cool thing about this Spring snow fall is this next photo of each of the kids foot prints in the snow...

I dislike very much being house bound and get a little stir crazy! I take pleasure in baking new things and that's all fine and dandy except I also find serious pleasure in eating it too and it's really starting to show! I've gone from chocolate to red and now today I have deep auburn as my hair color! I need a new hobby that doesn't involve hair color or baking! Any suggestions?

How's the weather where you are? My dad called today and said it was 78 in Sacramento AWWWWWWWW...... It's suposto snow through tomorrow and then warm up in the 70's and we wonder why we're sick year round??

Hello Sweet Friends... Were home!

2009-04-14T14:00:00.000-07:00

Hello All! We ended up staying longer than expected due to weather and us not having a 4x4 to get back over Wolf Creek Pass, but I was not complaining and wow what a time we had... What a sweet time of fellowship! Not to mention I finally was provided the opportunity to serve in all the things I love to do... painting, building, landscaping, organizing cleaning, photo shoots and a little investigating! It was so nice to not have a ringing cell phone, home phone or computer calling out my name! You should try it sometime.... very relaxing!

Durango is absolutely beautiful, the landscaping is breath taking, wildlife, rushing water, birds, fragrant flowers, warm sun, rain oh I could go on and on! Even though I worked my tail off I came back rested and blessed!

I took the photo above right down the street from where my mom lives. I love how all the boxes are all different, some crooked, some big and some small... so much character!

Miss Abbs did well and was a trooper as mommy rushed around the house doing this and that. My mom is feeling better now that she is on a nerve pain medication and is very thankful!

I miss you all so much and now that I am home, well I am trying to get back into the swing of things! Thanks for all the comments and prayers sent our way! I am excited to stop by your sites and read up on what's going on!

Oh here's a photo from one of my photo shoots.... my niece! This is the 1st time I got to see her, she is so beautiful, I just had to show her off!

Thinking of you all!!!! Tam

We're Off!

2009-03-27T18:40:00.000-07:00

Well after yesterdays blizzard and today's warm sun we are all clear to head down to Durango to visit Grammy Gayle! This trip is just gonna be the girls, Me Abbs and Daisy-May! My mom needs a bit of help so were off! If ya think of us, we would appreciate prayer for safety on our drive and that Abbs does well while we are there.

Her seizure are now back to the point that I need to call Dr. Devinskie to see what he thinks we should do. I am hesitant because I know he may mention that he would like to see her again. When I get back I am going to sit down and research neurologists here in Colorado and pray that we are lead to a good one, anyone have any suggestions? I hate to think of leaving Devinskie, but location is getting to be a problem with Abby growing bigger.

Well, other than that we are all fine. Hope you all have a wonderful week and If I get the chance I will post from Durango!

Blessings, Tam

Tender Moment

2009-03-25T06:06:00.000-07:00

Takes place outside in our front yard

Joey: "Mom I need some tape!"

Me: "Why Joe Man?"

Joey: "Because Mom, I just need it!"

Me: "O.k."

A few minuets later.... in the house

Me: "Joey where are you bud?"

Me: "Joey? Joey?? JOEY!"

Joey comes walking in the back sliding glass door with the tape and much dirt stuck to it

Me: "Joe, why did you need tape?"

Said as he walked by, very sardonically, as if I should of known...

Joey: "Because Mom, I had to tape two pieces of wood together."

Me: "Why did you have to tape them together, I don't understand..."

Joey: "Mom... I had to make a cross!

Me: "For what?"

Pause... sigh... a bit teary...

Joey: "Because I accidentally squished a bug and I buried it..."

Me: "You did son? Oh that's so sweet! Come here (hug)... Can you show me
where you buried the bug?"

Happy that I asked to see this grave site

Joey: "Sure, you wanna see it? Come here!"

Kneeling down beside his grave, tears streamed down Joeys face

Me: "What's wrong Buddy?"

Joey: "I'm just sad!"

Me: "Why?"

Joey: "Because I killed him! I didn't mean too... He was there, and now he's not and its all my fault!"

Me: "Oh Joe, your so sweet! I am sure you didn't mean to... curiosity just got the best of you, its o.k. sweetie!"

We had a brief moment of silence and after the mention of sharing some M&M's we were up and all was well in Joey's world!

Lessons from My Savior

2009-03-20T09:15:00.000-07:00

This is a photo of one of the two calendars that I have going. I'm not sure what is going on lately, but life is sure churning up a whirlwind! I enjoy all that I am doing, but then again I do miss my down time.

Among all this busyness God has been showing me a lot. Awhile back I had asked a question of what you thought love was. Thanks for your responses by the way! I am doing a book study by John Piper called Desiring God ~ Meditations of a Christian Hedonist.

This book is a hard read, but the study is excellent and Piper has short CD's to watch after each section to further explain in detail each section of the study. The CD's are wonderful and have really given me something to chew on, digest and focus on living out in my Christian walk.

What a challenge this has been! These golden nuggets that I have learned are meaty and I am having to constantly re-read them and preach them to myself throughout the day. This has sure awaken my soul and made me realize my stale relationship with my Savior!

More than ever before I am aware really for the 1st time (outside a trial) that I need to rely solely on Christ just to make it through my days! It's easy when we are in the depth of a trial to cling to Christ, but I think the true test is when life is fine, things are going smooth and not much activity (trial wise) is going on. How often do we just fall into our groove as soon as our feet hit the floor each morning and we forget our time with God? Sadly He is pushed to the bottom of our "to do" lists. Our Creator, our Savior, our God, our Father who gave us life and allows each breath we take, He has become in all honesty a task, a check, sometimes even a dreaded "duty" to spend time, devote time with Him. I can only say this because I am guilty 100 times over of feeling these thoughts. Thank you Father for your long suffering and mercy as I learn devotion to my one true Love, my Treasure and thank you for understanding and forgiveness as I continually stumble along the way!

Getting back to the question that I asked of you. The reason I asked, was because I was in the process of learning the true meaning of love. Our society has a very skewed meaning of love. Do you not agree that most people think, "If you love me, if you make much of me, I will feel loved! Talk about me, my skills, my gifts, my talents... make much of me, for this is love!" John Piper says; "Love is not a mirror." In other words, love is not making much of someone; love is doing whatever you have to do in order to enthrall someone with what will make them eternally satisfied. Heaven is not a hall of mirrors liking what you see. Think about this... What have been the most joyous moments of your life thus far? Were you thinking about yourself at these moments, the most deepest most rich moments of joy? Some of mine are seeing a beautiful sunset or sunrise, witnessing Abby doing something for the 1st time, when I see photos of space, watching in awe as the gymnasts do amazing things during the Olympics. All these moments are "self forgetfulness" ones! We have parables all over our lives! We were created for bigness and excellence, we were not made for mirrors, we were made for standing in front of what is infinitely beautiful and having it so satisfy us! John Piper asks, "Do you feel loved by God because He makes much of you, or because you believe He frees you and empowers you to enjoy making much of Him?

So how do we show true love to one another without shedding a pound of flesh in each act... meaning loving with an alliterative motive (i.e. a reward, a pat on the back, a possible raise, to be talked about.) We are all guilty of this if we are honest with ourselves. When we do for others out of "love" we seek to gain something for ourselves "mirror". Think about it, no ones looking, so be true with your heart. I was & I am guilty of this, once again 100 times over. It's not fun when we examine hearts and see the utter blackness of sin that lies there within.

I can not do anything good part from Christ as Isaiah 64:6 says, "... all of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away." Our joy in doing for others has to come from Christ 1st. We have to be aligned with Him, receiving from Him in order to show true love. "Love is the overflow of joy in God that meets the needs of others. The overflow is experienced consciously as the pursuit of our joy in the joy of another. We double our delight in God as we expand it in the lives of others." says John Piper. Superior joy = Christ, Duty always fails!

"Love is the overflow of Christ that meets the needs of others" Say this over and over, I preach it to myself and have it posted on my fridge! Remember It is better to give than to receive, with the right heart and with joy in Christ, not for self! (mirror)

So I come back to what I was saying before that I am realizing that I need Christ daily, each moment of each hour of each day to remind my heart in this "ONE" area of where I need to be! Remember I said that God was revealing things to me that hurt... this is it... but I know it is good!

This is just one area! There are so many more things I have yet to learn and become refined in... yes I need Christ daily, wow do I ever, we all do! In examining my heart God has gently shown me the error of my way regarding true love, I hope that through this lesson I am learning you too may be convicted and encouraged to examine your heart also... His refining fire is for our good... sometimes I think we think too highly of ourselves seeing a heart of gold at times, but when that gold is melted before our Holy God all the impurities bear their ugly faces and rise to the top and thats when He reaches down and removes them so we can reflect His image... a refined, regenerate, santified child of God.

Tam

"My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by Him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom He recieves" [Provbers 3:11-12]. It is for discipline that you have to endure... For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (vs 3-7,11)

New Slide Show

2009-03-19T12:35:00.000-07:00

Back on March 8th I planned on posting and sharing a slide show of the years of my angel thus far. Well we all know that didn't go as planned! So, I am here now and have created a slide show to redeem myself! I did have many more pictures, but was only able to post 50 photos. Oh well... Hopefully this shares in a nutshell her growth and the immense joy we have experienced with her so far! Thank You Jesus for this special package of love... We Are So Blessed!

I pray all is well with each and everyone of you! Thanks for sticking with me even though I am away a lot more than I'd like to be!

Tam

LIFE

2009-03-13T15:40:00.000-07:00

OYE I have been a busy bee lately and have not had the time to just sit and keep up with our blog. With the kids being out of school, showers, birthdays, photography, housework, sick nurses, bible studies my time has been directed away from here. I want to thank all of you for sending e-mails and/or calls to check in on me :o).

Well, Abby has since turned 4! I am amazed at how beautiful she is and so thankful that the Lord has given us 4 wonderful years with her! Every day I can't seem to squeeze her enough nor kiss on her enough! Her seizures are still stable with 4-6 a day. I have to take her to the doctors in the next couple of weeks for hip x-rays. Only an x-ray will tell us if we will have to proceed with surgery being that one of her legs is a bit longer than the other... I am praying that this is not the case. She is doing wonderful as she is sitting longer un-assisted! Only for about 5-8 seconds, but hey this is a huge step for Abbs. We have been dealing with a stubborn sty that won't seem to go away! The last couple of days it has really been inflamed, but today seems to be getting a touch better. We had an un-expected trip to the doctors this afternoon because a rash starting at her left shoulder and before my very eyes traveled down towards her leg! Scary, but we were told it was due to a virus, hive thingy, they are not to sure and not too concerned. Said I should give her Benedryl, but this causes seizures in kidos that have seizures, so we can give her this. I am just applying a topical cream to help with itching, if she has it, I don't know cause she cant tell me...

I am doing well. God is really showing me somethings about myself and my dependance upon Him. I love where I am at right now, though it hurts as I become more aware of my sin... hurts, but its good. Will share in detail later, we have bible study here tonight, so I to make this short, but here are some photos of Schmadoozies 4th birthday party!